Check One: YES NO MAYBE
by 4arrows
Summary: Sesshomaru is having problems relating to Kagome that he is interested in her. Where better to turn to for advice on dating modern women than Sota and television.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: First fanfiction or try at writing anything other than music since high school. This is not meant to be a serious story, rather I am poking fun at both the characters as well as pop culture. Let me know what you think.

Chapter 1: The Opening Theme Song

What was the problem?

He had barked, growled, snarled, bared his fangs at her and nothing. He even pretended to attack her several times hoping she would get the hint.

He had even pissed on all the trees all the way around their camp for several nights straight just to make it perfectly clear what his intentions were. If only his idiot half-brother hadn't re-marked all of them the next morning while glancing around and muttering curses under his breath, it might have worked.

If he wasn't interested then he would have killed her in his fathers tomb to begin with and never spared her a second thought. Instead he had transformed into his demon state to try and impress the wench, but the result had not been as favorable as he would have liked. Truthfully, he hadn't meant to blast her with his poison, she was just so exceedingly mouthy that it had been a reflex. He thought briefly of his lost arm, and all the trouble it had caused him.

Any "normal" Inu bitch would have had her ass in the air, sex displayed and waiting for his grand entrance about half a second after his first snarl at her. And been damned grateful. But she was not inu, she was a ningen. That fact alone was enough reason to assume she wouldn't be aware of everything a proper bitch should. But honestly, he may have overestimated her powers of deduction because he did not know how much more obvious his intentions could be without just foregoing formalities and mounting the daft bitch.

Maybe thats why he had been so persistent in his pursuit for so long with this one. If she had just rolled over, he would have rutted and discarded her like all the rest. He thought that she had been playing hard to get to begin with, but this was more.

Maybe she just didn't understand

'I know' he thought, 'I'll kill the biggest animal I can find, and leave it as a present, right next to her head as she sleeps. Then she'll understand.'

Just then he heard the shouts of "SIT,SIT,SIT,SIT,SIT!!" echoing through the forest, and the ground trembled under his feet. He smirked, knowing that InuYasha would be picking dirt out of his teeth for the next hour.

He followed the miko's scent past the village and into the forest beyond. As he came through the edge of the tree line he just caught sight of her dropping into an old well. Sitting down to wait, he wondered if maybe she simply enjoyed the solitude of a dark dirty well to his half-brother's company.

The next morning he leaned over the well's edge to see why the miko had not returned but saw no one. _Perhaps there is a secret tunnel in the bottom for further hanyou avoidance_. His curiosity was piqued. The dog demon jumped down to investigate.

Blue light emanated from the walls and he found himself at the bottom of ... a different smelling well. After checking carefully to make sure that the half-breed escape tunnels were just a figment of his imagination, he leaped gracefully out of the well only to find himself crashing through the door of a small building that did not even exist mere seconds ago.

Claws beginning to drip acid, hand on Tokijin, he prepared himself for any enemies that may be lying in wait for him in this foul smelling place.

He spun when he heard a small noise behind him, only to discover...a small human boy. He glared his best aloof glare at the child while straightening himself.

"Bring Kagome to me immediately" the tall pale Inu barked.

"HUH??" Sota responded. He was always freaked out when bizarre stuff started popping out of his family's ancient well. And this guy was no exception.

"You know the girl Kagome?"

Sota nodded, bugged-eyed.

"Then bring the wench to me."

"Can't. And dude, she would kill you if she heard you call her a wench."

"She has not the power or the skill to harm this Sesshomaru, now bring her to me." he said in his most pompous tone.

"Oh man, your one of InuYasha's friends!" Sota exclaimed.

"Friend," he seethed, "My annoying half-brother and I have never been mistaken for friends. The only reason he still lives is because he still serves my purposes."

"Oh, your that Sesshomaru" Sota says haltingly, "yeah, my sister has told us all about you."

Sesshomaru was intrigued and encouraged at the the thought that she had spoken of him to others.

"What has the miko told you of this Sesshomaru?"

"Uuum," Sota began to fidget, "dude you know how girls are, and my sister is the worst. She spouts off all kinds of crap, and who can tell how much of it is really true or not. I'm starting to think that all that blue light in the well is starting to screw with her brain. Or, maybe its..."

"You will tell me what she has said of me, and then you will bring her to me." Sesshomaru snarled, an impatient growl rising in his throat.

Sota gulped hard, the hair on his neck standing up, while at the same time he urgently felt like he had to take the biggest shit of his life, and it may happen right here.

"She said you were a pompous, arrogant, self-centered prick that was obviously compensating for having a tiny dick, and other than the fact that you could fight better than anyone, including InuYasha, your only redeeming quality is that you are hot enough to be a Chippendale dancer. I can't bring her to you." Sota blurted out all in one monotone breath.

The only thing Sesshomaru understood amongst the pubertal boy's babblings was his inability to bring Kagome to him.

"Explain."

"Well, ya see, sometimes, when a guy has a small wiener, he tries to act like..."

"Why can you not bring her to me?" he asked. He realized that he was growling again when the child seemed to be in abdominal pain, and he began to pick up an unpleasant scent coming from the boy's trousers.

"Field trip" Sota answered. He continued when he saw the slight look of confusion on the demons face. "A field trip is when all the kids in a class go somewhere to see something stupid, instead of just having to read about it in a book."

The boy was clearly deranged as nothing he had said since meeting him had made any sense at all.

"I will wait then." he pronounced imperiously, and crossed his arms across his armor-clad chest.

"What, right here?" Sota yelled, panicked.

The Taiyoukai did not respond but maintained his stony glare. Sota elaborated.

"She's gonna be gone till Friday afternoon, that's day after tomorrow! Believe me, you don't want to stay here. Mom will just try to feed you and ask you all kinds of questions that you probably aren't gonna understand, and grandpa will spend the whole time trying to throw his worthless sutras at you. I don't want to see them dead just yet, soooo, come with me."

Sota turned and walked inside the house. Sesshomaru realized that standing outside for three days was not the brightest idea so he followed the boy. Of course, Sesshomaru gave sufficient pause so the youngster would not think that the Lord of the Western Lands was following his orders. He stepped inside the modest dwelling and followed the boy upstairs and down a hallway and into a small room.

"Dude, your gonna have to stay in here." Sota said. "I can't let you wander around Tokyo killing everyone that looks at you funny. Make yourself at home, I've gotta go to school, I'll be back in a while. Here," he said handing Sesshomaru the TV remote, "Volume up and down, channel up and down, we have satellite, so you have like a million channels to surf.. Oh, and no pay-per-views or pornos. Mom sees all that stuff on the bill, and I don't wanna get grounded again. Gotta go, Stay In Here." The last part he said very seriously.

The demon lord looked at the wand in his hand and up to the glowing box in front of him. _What magic is this?_ He watched, transfixed, as tiny mortals walked around inside the box. He wondered for a moment if these small beings were the ones the child had mentioned earlier with the small wieners, but that was soon forgotten as the tiny ones started chanting "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry."

--

"Explain." Sesshomaru commanded dryly as the boy flopped down on the bed next to the Inu Lord, bag of Cheetos in one hand, Dr.Pepper in the other.

"Explain what?"

"Why does the coy-o-te not simply strike the annoying bird down?" he wondered aloud.

"Cuz it's a cartoon, dude." the boy replied with a snort, "It's not supposed to be like real life, it's just supposed to be funny. Ya know, like the coyote always comes up with the elaborate plans, but they always backfire on him, and he gets squashed, or falls off a cliff, or blown up, or whatever."

"Then why does he continue, if his strategy and abilities and obviously inferior to the running bird?"

"It's road runner," Sota replied a bit sarcastically, "And I guess he keeps chasing him cuz... the bird keeps running."

"Hn"

Sota noticed that it did not look as if the demon had moved from that spot all day. He realized that it must be quite strange to be introduced to TV all at once. He had been watching it all his life and had never thought to ask some of the questions that the mighty dog had in the last few minutes. It was if Sesshomaru was a child and needed everything explained in the simplest possible terms.

All day at school he had been anxious about what he would find when he got home. Would Sesshomaru just get bored and go home? Or would his mom and grandfather be lying dead at his feet for some unknown insult?

Or would there be a giant white dog demon terrorizing all of Tokyo? And if so, could Godzilla save them again?

The channel changed and a commercial for the newest car that looked exactly like all the other cars in its class flashed across the screen.

Sota then took note that his unblinking youkai guest was just as interested in the commercials as the shows themselves.

"So," he began, licking the bright orange powder from his fingers before plunging his hand back into the bag, "what do you want Kagome for anyway?" The way he remembered her telling it, Sesshomaru had done nothing but attack her and the other shard hunters for one reason or another.

Distracted by the flashing images of leather seats and a built in navigation system, Sesshomaru's normally perfect control over what he said was momentarily broken. "I plan to rut with her, and then take her to be my mate, and soon she will bear my pups."

Dual streams of orange colored Dr.Pepper shot from Sota's nose as he fell off the bed coughing and sputtering.

"What the fuck, man!" Sota choked, incredulous.

No response came from the TaiYoukai. He seemed mesmerized by the prospect that you could get a bucket of original recipe or extra crispy chicken for only 6.99.

"You want to do WHAT with my sister?! Are you HIGH? There is no way in hell that Kagome is ever going..."

The dog cut him off, "She will do what I tell her to do. Cease your yelling or you will find it impossible to speak again."

Sota felt that "Oh Shit" feeling again, and lowered his voice to a respectable level. "Sorry man, I'm just kinda surprised is all. I never would have thought that Kagome would have fallen for a guy like you. I mean, not that you're not kinda cool in that, 'the streets will run red with the blood of my enemies' kind of way... but, you would think the she would tell us if she was getting married."

"I do not believe that she is aware of it yet. I have had some difficulty in conveying my intentions to her." The Inu replied.

"Well no wonder man, the way you talk and act, it's like you got one of those swords shoved up your ass."

Sesshomaru broke his near comatose like concentration on the antics of Smiling Bob and his strange looking wife who apparently had discovered the joys of "natural male enhancement" with Enzyte.

He had never been on the receiving end of a sword up the ass, but he had been on the giving end. And none of the poor wretches that had received a sword up the ass had spoken or acted nothing like he was now. They generally flailed about screaming until death quickly took them.

"Explain."

Sota rolled his eyes, "Well, you know, girls like to be talked to. They like for guys to tell them their feelings, they want for guys to like the same kinds of things that they do. Ya know, be there for each other and be able to discuss whats going on. They want to be able to relate to each other. I mean, look here, what are you watching?"

Sesshomaru realized for the first time that day that he had no idea what he was watching. He had simply pushed buttons on the wand for the magic box until something that interested him had appeared. Not wanting to sound unintelligent he simply grunted. "Hn"

"Yeah," Sota said, noticing the current program. "This will work fine. Look, this guy is Zach, he is what we call a 'cool guy'. Now, watch what he does. He likes this girl, she's Kelly, god, what a fox. Now, see, he walks over to her locker, and ... just... talks to her. And she talks back, and now they have a date for Friday. Oh good, now look at this, this guy's name is Screech, he's a spaz and yeah, he's funny and silly, and everyone laughs when he is around and falling over, but just watch."

Sesshomaru leaned closer to the screen so he wouldn't miss what was going on, but didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. He turned to the boy, waiting for the explanation of what he had missed.

"Did you see the difference?" Sota beamed like a spiritual master imparting some nugget of wisdom to a lesser disciple. "Who walked away with the girl? The cool guy, or the spaz?

The dog demon's head bobbed in recognition of what the boy was saying.

"See," Sota continued, "And look now, it's Friday, and they are sitting in the diner, sharing a milkshake. And where is Screech? Well, there he is at the table with all his spaz buddies, and are any of them hot girls? Well, of course not, cuz hot girls never go out with a spaz."

Sota paused to regain control of himself. He realized that he had been gesturing wildly, and his voice had been raised a bit in a desire to drive his point home. He remembered who he was talking to, and decided to bring it down a notch. He had to change his pants after his first meeting with the strange person now sitting on his bed, and did not want to have tho change them again this afternoon.

"Did you also notice," he said in a much smaller and contained voice, "that Zach didn't walk up and say, 'I am more powerful than you, so roll over and rut with me. Bear my pups, wench!'"

"Hn."

"The guys that act like that never get the girl, or if they do, it's only until the girl realizes that she can have someone better than him. It's just the way it is now. I can see how it could be a pretty big difference from how things were done 500 years ago."

The realization of the situation started to sink in. He could not tell the ningen what he desired because she was not from his world at all. She was from this world. A world of TV, and cars, luxury time-shares, and lawyers 'that will fight for your rights', and a strange creature that 'lives in a pineapple under the sea'. This was a world that he did not understand at all. It wasn't that she didn't understand him, he couldn't understand her.

"What must I do to learn to be this 'cool guy'?" Sesshomaru asked with an edge of determination in his voice.

"Be like the guys on TV that get the girls." Sota answered sagely. "Just act like the guys that get, and keep, the hot chicks and I think you should be fine. Just remember, whatever you do, don't be a spaz. Don't be that guy."

Sesshomaru thought about the boys words for a moment. It seemed to make sense. The males that had seemed to find contentment with human females had not been 'spazzes'. They had not threatened anyone with certain death if they did not comply with their wishes. They had seemed kind, and interested in what the females wanted and needed.

Sota jumped up from the bed and started for the door, "Want a hot pocket?"

Sesshomaru decided right then that he would do it. He would follow the advise of Sota, the miko's sibling. He would listen to this ningen boy who clearly possessed valuable information about what was required to court women from this era. He would begin his quest to become the 'cool guy', and woo the miko.

"That depends," the demon intoned. He changed the channel with a practiced click. He leveled his icy stare at the youngster.

"Do cool guys like hot pockets?"


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Thanks everybody that reviewed chapter 1. I never really understood why other authors begged for reviews, and now I do. Reviews are motivation to write the next chapter and make it better than the last. So Please, Please, Please, Please, Please don't turn off my cable, it's all I got, that and the smokes, and leave me a review of what you think.

Chapter 2: The Setup

"Sup, Dude?" Sota asked as he shut the door to his room. The Lord of the Western Lands still sat in the same position he had been in for the last three days and two nights. The only time he had pried his eyes from the screen was to elicit information about the tiny humans in the box's various activities.

"You desire this female." was the response. More of a statement than a question.

"Huh!?" Sota exclaimed looking towards the TV.

"I have noticed several likenesses of her on the walls here in your chambers, as well as on the coverings of your futon. You wish to bed this woman?"

Sota's cheeks flushed red and he tried to stammer out a reply, but nothing would come.

"Not an unwise choice in my opinion. She is strong, talented, and skilled with both the shuriken, and certain fighting magics that even I have been unable to duplicate so far. Although, the pink hair is a bit strange, and you may have to kill this Naruto first. It seems he has intentions towards her as well."

Sota was stunned into silence for a moment. Although he was a bit embarrassed, he was also quite grateful as well. Grateful for the fact the Sesshomaru hadn't looked through his things or glanced under his bed and seen a notebook with a green cover.

Sota loved manga, and had, over time become quite a talented artist. His dream was to have his own manga one day, published by Shonen Jump. The problem is that housed beneath that plain green cover was all of his best drawings of the object of his adolescent affection. And although the renderings of his beloved Sakura were quite good, he wasn't sure if anyone would truly appreciate the various states of undress, or the suggestive poses that had leaked their way from his hormone overloaded brain and onto the pages.

The only thing he could think of, was to change the subject entirely. "Kagome's on her way home. She should be here in a few minutes. Then you can talk to her, and tell her all the stuff you told me about that whole rutting, mating, puppy plan you talked about a few days ago."

For the first time since he had arrived here, Sota saw Sesshomaru's countenance change. He went from his usual stoic, nothing can move this pole up my ass, face to a look of sheer terror.

What would he say? What would he do? He was nowhere near the "cool guy" that he thought she wanted to see. What was confusing him even more was the fact that there were so many "cool guys" that women seemed to love, but they were all so different. Which one would she want him to be?

He did the only thing he could think of. Something he had not done in centuries, since he had been a pup.

He ran.

He couldn't face her, not like this. He leaped from Sota's bed, banging his head on the ceiling. Sota, never having seen anyone move so fast, but be so clumsy, yelled, and fell off the bed. His nose came to rest mere inches from the afore mentioned green covered notebook.

"What the hell's wrong with you, man? You look like you've seen a ghost!" He shouted.

"I must leave, NOW!" the demon shrieked.

"Why? She'll be here in a few minutes. She was just saying goodbye to her friends when I passed her on the sidewalk." Sota yelled, very confused, and trying to keep up with the much faster dog demon.

Getting lost trying to find the door slowed the dog down a bit, but after going through the living room, the front closet, the downstairs bathroom, and the pantry, he finally made it out the kitchen door and into the courtyard.

He turned so suddenly that Sota, who had caught up, almost ran into him. His initial feeling of terror had begun to subside, and his normal stoic disposition was returning. He squinted hard at the harsh sunlight, still a bit disoriented from his vigil in the boys darkened room. The Inu brought his face very close to the boys.

"You will tell no one of my sojourn here, especially the miko. Understand?"

He nodded, "Oh Shits" starting to return.

"And the next time I come to view your box, you will allow me to watch the large one downstairs instead of the tiny one in your cramped quarters."

He sniffed once, turned, and in a blur of white, vanished down the well.

Sota stood there in a complete daze... for all of thirty seconds before he heard a familiar voice calling out to him.

"Thanks a lot Sota!" Kagome yelled, interrupting his stupor. "Just walk past a girl with a heavy bag and don't even bother offering to help!"

"Sorry, I had something I had to do." he responded, still stunned by the bizarre series of events that happened in the last three days.

"What, you had to rush home so you could stand in the courtyard looking like a complete retard, with your mouth hanging open? Those video games have totally screwed with your brain." She spat back, lugging her bags into the house. "And why are all the doors open?" she yelled from inside.

Sota turned, shoulders hunched in defeat. He didn't even care what was going on any more. All these people were completely crazy. He needed some peace and solitude, without a giant white demon sitting on the edge of his bed saying "Explain" every 30 seconds. He needed some alone time... with a certain green covered notebook.

--

The mighty Tai Youkai sat on the edge of his bed. Head in hands, elbows on knees. He had flown straight home immediately upon exiting the well. Jaken had taken one look at him, and become quite worried. He had fussed over the fact that his lords eyes were bloodshot, and there seemed to be dark circles under them too.

What had concerned the loyal retainer the most though was the bright orange stain that circled his mouth and covered his fingers. Acting completely out of character and with utter disdain for his personal safety, the toad had commanded his lord to go directly to the healers so the bizarre poison that was apparently afflicting him could be dealt with.

He convinced the imp that he was not under a spell, or having a strange reaction to the acid demoness that he had pursued some time back. He had immediately summoned his best craftsmen, and commissioned a new piece to be built. They had looked at him in bewilderment as he explained over and over, with each explanation becoming more animated, what he desired from them.

They simply could not grasp the concept of a box, that could magically see into other peoples lives. Their never ending stream of questions had irritated him to no end. In the end he let them know that the box was their problem, and where to find the tiny humans to fit inside it, was his.

And there it was sitting in front of him. He had been so pleased when they had brought it to him that same day for inspection. All was as he had instructed, including the wand of power that was recreated perfectly, even down to the DirecTV logo at the top. It looked exactly as the one in the boys room had, or, it was close enough.

But he found he did not know the incantation to start the magic. _Maybe it's a miko thing_ _, maybe they alone truly hold the power of the magic box. Since the boys sister was a powerful miko, it would stand to reason that she would allow her own blood kin access to such an enjoyable form of divination._

He groaned and ran his claws through his hair for the tenth time in as many minutes, trying to think of what to do next. His near perfect memory remembered it all, every second of time spent before the glowing portal. Every word, every gesture, every expression and mannerism of all the "cool guys" he had observed.

_The box is not the point!_ he realized jumping to his feet and beginning to pace. _The point is to find out which of the "cool guys" I have observed is the one that she desires._ A plan began to take form in his mind. It wasn't difficult, he would simply try them out for her, one at a time, till he found one she liked. It was so simple, why hadn't he thought of it before.

He walked over to his wardrobe and began rifling through it, pulling out almost all the clothes he had, and throwing them on the bed. _This will work_ , not realizing what a week without sleep, and 72 hours of non-stop TV watching can do to ones decision making process.

He made a mental checklist of the supplies he would need and called for Jaken. As he waited for the imp to appear, he said aloud, "And the first thing she shall do, once she is safely within my chambers, is use her powers to make this box work."

--

Sota had kept his word, and not breathed a word to Kagome of what had transpired in her absence. He knew that if she ever found out, she would be pissed. At least her wrath didn't consist of disemboweling, or any of the other painful deaths he was sure the demon lord knew.

Kagome returned to the feudal area the next day, and resumed the usual shard hunting routine that had become normal for her over the last few years. Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kierara had been happy to see her and were glad to resume their quest. InuYasha had cursed, and called her stupid for taking so long at home, and had run on ahead so everyone would know that he was the best at everything.

Just your completely typical day for your modern girl, that is really a reincarnated priestess, that is looking for a never ending amount of tiny jewel pieces, with all of the most evil and vile creatures in all of the land gunning for them on a daily basis. You know, normal.

Until

They all noticed a figure, standing just off the trail up ahead.

As they drew nearer, and could begin to make out his features, Kagome still did not recognize him. He was wearing tight blue pants, brown pointed shoes, a denim looking shirt, and red bandanna tied around his neck, what looked like a western style gun belt, and a cowboy hat made out of reeds.

"Well hello there small woman," Sesshomaru said with his best Texas drawl. He walked towards the group, hips gyrating in a strange, rolling, halting rhythm.

He had practiced the voice as much as he could, and with his natural deep baritone, thought he pulled it off rather well.

"S-S-Sesshomaru?" Kagome asked haltingly.

"Round these parts, they call me 'The Duke', ma'am." he said tipping his hat, just like the tall cowboy he had seen on the Western Channel. He had been transfixed at how this human male had demanded so much respect, even though he had no powers to speak of. He had understood the human males need to care for and protect his land, as well and his desire to woo the attractive woman the seemed a bit too fiery for anyone else to tame. It had seemed the perfect match to him.

All six of the shard hunters stared with mouths hanging open. They could not believe their eyes.

InuYasha did what InuYasha does best. He leaped in between the group, and the strange figure before them. Still a bit confused, he brandished Tetsusaiga. "What do you want, you bastard?" he said with less conviction than normal. He smelled his hated half -brother, but had never seen him dressed or speaking like this before.

Sesshomaru looked up at the hanyu, and lazily said, "Maybe ya ought a put that thing down before someone gets hurt, son. Now if you don't mind, I was talking to the woman."

He returned his gaze to Kagome, whose mouth was almost back to it's natural position.

"A small woman like you doesn't belong in rough country like this, ma'am. You need a big tall man with a large hat to look after ya. I was wonderin, Miss Kagome, if maybe some evening you might be interested in taking a buggy ride out in the moonlight."

Before Kagome could even think up a response, InuYasha butted in. "I don't know what the fuck you're trying to pull, and I don't know what a buggy is, but your not taking Kagome anywhere."

Faster than their eyes could see, Sesshomaru darted in, and punched InuYasha square in the mouth. The half-breed went sailing back, till he connected with a fairly large tree, and fell to the ground.

"Watch your mouth round the women, son." 'Duke' Sesshomaru said as he turned back to face Kagome.

"Sheesh Sesshomaru! Whats your problem?" Kagome asked as she rushed past him to try and render aid to her dazed protector.

InuYasha pushed her aside. "I'm fine wench. Now where is that bastard?"

Everyone turned to look, he had vanished.

"What was that all about?" asked Sango.

"I'm not really sure." said Kagome. "That was Sesshomaru, wasn't it?"

"Yeah it was Sesshomaru," blurted out InuYasha. "But I've never seen him act like that before."

"And what was he wearing" Asked Miroku. "I've never seen clothes like that before."

"It was a cowboy outfit." Kagome said, still trying to put all the pieces together. "He called himself 'The Duke'! Why, he was acting like John Wayne?"

"Who's John Wayne?" everyone asked at once.

"He was an actor from the modern era. InuYasha, you may have seen him on TV before. Gramps loves those old westerns."

Nobody understood what she was saying, but they didn't understand a lot of what Kagome said. They pretty much ignored anything she said with the words "modern era" in them.

--

In a tree, close enough to hear what the group was saying, Sesshomaru was listening intently. He was not too discouraged that his first attempt had failed. At least she had figured out who he was pretending to be. It was a bit of a trial run anyway, more to gage their reactions than anything else. Not that he would have minded playing the part of the rough and tough cowboy for her.

He began to scroll through his list of possibilities for the next best prospect to win her affection.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: I'm not real big on authors notes. Thanks for the reviews, hope this chapter makes you guffaw and chortle out loud.

Chapter 3: The Setup

The band of friends continued their journey searching for the lost shards, the morning's weirdness forgotten by all but one. Weird stuff happened nearly every day to them. If it wasn't oni trying to eat them, and steal their few precious shards, then it was hot chicks flying around on feathers, or wolves that can turn into tornadoes, or resurrected bad guys that can turn into a tank, or Naraku and his strange desire to wear a dead primate on his head.

_What did Sesshomaru want? It's not like him to seek us out and not have a reason. It has always been Tetsusaiga, or hatred of InuYasha before. This time it seemed different. He was trying to talk to me! He has never tried to talk to me before, he's always gone straight to attempted murder. _

Walking across the whole of Japan gives you plenty of time to think.

_Maybe it wasn't me at all. Maybe he's some sort of bizarre hentai that likes to wait around and hit on girls while acting like John Wayne. That doesn't make any sense either._ _And how did he know to act that way in the first place? He's never even seen a John Wayne movie before. He called me "small woman" surely he meant "little lady". _ Kagome decided to exercise a very special miko power which consisted of forgetting it ever happened, so she wouldn't have to deal with it any more.

InuYasha stopped suddenly. Kagome almost walked into his back be fore pulling up sharply. Miroku on the other hand plowed squarely into Kagome's backside.

"Oh, pardon me." he said, using both hands to help push against her ass in an attempt to pretend like it had been an accident.

Miroku cringed for the inevitable crack against his skull and the screams of "Hentai!", but they did not come. When he opened his eyes, he looked ahead at what held the others interest.

There in the middle of the path were two ropes suspended between the trees on either side. One about chest high, and the the other, about a foot lower. Upon further inspection, he saw that there were ropes on the other side as well, making a large square. And there were some crudely fashioned chairs scattered around.

"Be careful, somethin don't seem right here." InuYasha said, stating the obvious.

Jaken teetered in from out of the trees on one side and entered the square. He began to haltingly read from a piece of parchment.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. For the thousands in attendance, and the millions watching at home. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLEEEEE!!"

Sesshomaru stood a few feet back in the trees waiting for his cue. _This will definitely work. The women had screamed for him, they had chanted his name in fanatical devotion. A few had even thrown their breast bindings at him. If she does that, I will have succeeded, and will mount her immediately. This __will definitely work._

A slow grin spread across InuYasha's face as he realized what he was seeing. "I love this show." He said, sitting in one of the rough wood chairs. "Me and Sota watch this all the time back at Kagome's house."

The others all found chairs as well, and tentatively looked around wondering what would happen next.

"I hope that the Macho Man is gonna wrestle Triple H, or a ladder match, or a cage match!"

InuYasha's eyes got bigger and wider, and he listed off his favorite events.

"But my favorite is..."

"Ladies and gentlemen, The Rock-sama."

The group stared in awe and amazement as he stomped up to the ropes. Dressed only in black, knee high, lace up boots; and a pair of black bikini underwear. He ducked under the top rope, climbed the ropes directly in front of them, and stared menacingly down at them with one eyebrow raised.

Perched in the corner, his terrifying glare challenged any who may dare meet him in the ring.

Miroku was the only one who could respond. "Sesshomaru-sama," he said as he stood and stepped into the ring. "I am unsure what demonic presence has taken over your body, but I assure you, I will do everything I can to exorcise the evil spirits, and return you to your former self."

He held out his staff, closed his eyes, and was beginning to chant when he was interrupted, not by Sesshomaru, but by InuYasha.

"Yeah! Come on Rock! Lay the smack down on him!"

"What in the blue hell are you talking bout?" Shesshomaru's head waggled as he talked into the wooden microphone, and got up in Miroku's face."Now, shut up and sit down, before I take this size twelve boot, turn that son-a-bitch sideways, and shove it straight up your candy ass!"

InuYasha was standing on his chair, spouting off all of the catch phrases in perfect time, pumping one fist in the air. At the moment he didn't care that he could smell Sesshomaru. He could not tear his eyes from the figure in front of him. He loved professional wrestling. He loved the idea of great fighters squaring off one on one to settle their differences and to decide who was the greatest. The idea that it was playing its self out here, live, was cake. The fact that his hated half brother was prancing around, emulating his top wrestling idol in nothing but a scrap of cloth, was icing.

"You misunderstand Sesshomaru-sama, I am merely trying to help you to--"

"Silence! Would you like to sniff what this Rock is cooking?"

"Pardon?"

"Would you like to sniff what this Rock is cooking!?"

"I would be honored to try any food that you have prepared Sesshomaru-sama."

Sesshomaru grabbed the monk by the arm and flung him to the far side of the ring. As he bounced off the ropes and came hurtling back towards the Inu, he was suddenly stopped and slammed to the ground by an outstretched arm.

"Yes! Close line" InuYasha shouted, completely caught up in the fantasy. He had dreamed of sitting ringside since the first time he and the boy had watched the muscle bound mortals fight their way around the squared circle.

Sesshomaru turned to look at Kagome. Now he would really turn it on. He twitched his pecs, first one, then the other, back and forth , over and over, just as the larger than life character had after dispatching his foe. The oil he had rubbed on his skin accentuated his well defined physique. It had felt strange at first, but not altogether unpleasant. He noticed that his bouncing muscles were having an effect, just not on the object of his affection.

Sango stared openly at his prancing and stomping around. Her momentary concern for her sometimes sweetheart, sometimes punching bag had been forgotten the moment she saw the demon lord's shiny chest begin to move of its own accord. _I have never seen anything more erotic. I hope that this is not strictly a demon talent. If Miroku could do that, I would have no choice but to bear his children._ She lowered her face as the thought brought a blush to her cheeks.

He turned his attention from the embarrassed slayer, and back to Kagome. He fully expected for her underclothes to come sailing at him at any moment. Instead she just sat there, with a look on confusion and disbelief.

Miroku slowly rose to his feet and began to make his way out of the torture in which he found himself. But The Rock-sama was on him again. He picked the dazed holy man up over his head and hurled him over the ropes and into the dumbstruck crowd.

Fortunately for Miroku, years of battling demons and other foul creatures had trained quite a bit of fighting instinct into him. As he hit the ground he rolled and came up on his feet. Unfortunately for Miroku, InuYasha was so wrapped up in the spectacle, he did what anyone standing outside a wrestling ring would do. He smashed a chair across Miroku's back. The monk slumped forward unconscious.

The spell's hold was broken on the hanyou as Kagome invoked the deplorable word, and was immediately face planted next to his fallen friend.

Sango and the others raced over to tend to their comrade and hurl some choice words at the half-breed. When they remembered Sesshomaru and turned to look, he and the toad were nowhere to be seen.

--

Sesshomaru sat on the ground, wiping oil from his chest and arms. _Damn InuYasha! That annoying half-breed ruins everything. _To begin with he had been happy that his half brother had been into the spectacle. In truth it had been part of the reason he had taken it as far as he had. The hanyou's cheers had stirred a bit of excitement in him as well. It had been shattered the same moment the chair had on the monks back. With everyone's attention on the fallen monk, and not on him, the illusion had broken, and he had fled. He would have to separate her somehow, in order for her companions not to be a distraction, especially InuYasha.

Jaken walked about picking up the supplies from this last disaster muttering mutinously about the strange and undignified mating ritual his master had become obsessed with.

Rin on the other hand could not have been more pleased. For years she had wanted nothing more than for Sesshomaru to play with her. And here he had come up with the best game ever. Not only was he playing dress up, he had made up voices for all of his new characters as well. She filled his discarded black underpants with flowers while singing, "Candy ass, candy ass, smacking down a candy ass."

_So the big warrior is not who she wants. That should have been obvious. This Sesshomaru is a far mightier warrior than any of the pathetic humans in the magic box. _He involuntarily flexed his hard muscles, knowing that he was the picture of male perfection.

_I must change strategy, she must be interested in a male who is less brash and more "smooth". _He remembered his juvenile instructors term for males that acted in certain ways.

His pride would not allow him to play the part of some of the weaker males who simply threw themselves at the women they wanted, hoping they would take pity on them. No, he would still have to be strong, he went through the mental list of characters at his disposal. _Of course,_ His claws clicked against each other as he tried to figure out how to draw her away from the others._ The smoothest of the smooth._

_--_

The group had settled down for the evening. They had moved the still unconscious Miroku away from their latest encounter with Sesshomaru, Lord of the Insane Schizophrenics, and had made him as comfortable as possible.

InuYasha had done his best "I'm sorry you got hurt, but it's not really my fault you're a pathetic human, and cant take a hit" routine, and had been sat several more times in the process. He and Shippo were up in the branch of a tree with InuYasha explaining all of the high drama and intrigue that was involved in the world of professional wrestling.

Sango sat by Miroku's side and attended to his needs. At the moment she was attending to his need to see down the front of her clothing as he told her all his various body parts that needed swabbing with a wet cloth. Kagome knew it would end the same way it did every time. With a yell of "HENTAI" a crack to the pervert, and the slayer stalking off into the woods.

Sango was being more attentive, and more tolerant of the monk's looks, and feels than usual. Truth was, she really didn't mind all the attention from him, in fact she kinda liked it. The biggest problem was, she wasn't the only target of his wandering eyes and hands. If she could be sure of his fidelity, she would have already taken him to her bed, and gladly, she knew she really did love him.

She was waiting for the right opportunity to ask her wounded sweetie more about the dancing pecs, and if he possessed this talent as well. If so, it may well seal the deal, and she would simply deal with any philandering, if it occurred, when it happened. She would keep him through pleasure, or pain, and let the choice be his. She smiled a wicked smile at the thought of him wanting both at the same time.

Kagome decided she would take this opportunity to go for a dip in the hot springs. It never ceased to amaze her just how many hot springs there were in feudal Japan. They were always situated about a days walk from the last one. They all seemed to have water of the perfect temperature, naturally occurring seats, and never any predators other than the two legged kind. Seriously, where do all the hot springs go in the next 500 years?

She slipped down to her shoulders in the hot water, letting the heat melt the tension in her back and neck. She looked around, yep, no bugs, no snakes, no rats, no algae, and perfectly secluded by reeds, just like all the other springs she had ever been to.

Her mind drifted back to the previous incidents of the day. They should seriously consider the possibility that Sesshomaru had completely lost his mind. What other explanation could there be to his madness? And how did he know these characters in the first place? He may have found an Entertainment Weekly magazine that had fallen out of her pack, but that didn't explain the voices or mannerisms, and John Wayne wouldn't have been in a recent Entertainment Weekly anyway. It just didn't add up.

_Why was he looking at me? Both times he was looking right at me as if he expected some kind of response._

She ducked under the water and stood to begin washing.

"There you are! I have found you at last," came a croaking voice from the far bank. Jaken waddled out from among the reeds. "And now, tell me, where is the hidden microfilm?!"

Kagome paused for a second to notice that Jaken was covered from head to foot in gold paint.

"EEP!" came out as she submerged under the water up to her neck. She had hoped that with her friends all occupied, she could forgo the standard bathing suit, and had instead entered the pool completely in the nip.

"Jaken, what the..."

"Stop right there Golden Finger" a deep voice bellowed from behind her.

She turned, still neck deep in the spring, and looked up at the figure on the bank. Black hakama and kimono, white ribbon tied around his neck. His hair had been colored black, and was slicked down against his scalp. But there was no doubt about who was standing protectively over her.

"And who might you be?" Asked the toad in a very scripted voice.

"Maru... Sessho Maru. Do you expect me to let you have the plans for the secret exploding weapons?"

"No Mr. Maru, I expect you to die."

With that Sesshomaru reached into his kimono, and withdrew a silver object, that looked suspiciously like a hair brush with the bristles cut off, and pointed it at the miserable toad.

"BAM, BAM, BAM!" he shouted, his hand jerking in staccato time with his voice.

"AAAHHHhhhhh" the imp grabbed his chest and began to stumble back and forth until finally falling into the bushes and laying still.

"Sesshomaru, what is going on?!"

"Keep your voice down," He blew on the end of the "Walther PPK hairbrush", and concealed it back in his robe, "there may be others waiting to steal your plans as well." He extended his hand to help her out of the pool.

Without thinking, she reached up to take it. In one smooth motion he whisked her from the water and wrapped the towel around her damp body. She clutched the towel to her chest as the blush rose to her cheeks.

"Worry not Miss Miko Penny, you modesty is unnecessary, I assure you. Drink?"

He produced two sake cups, poured sake into one of the cups, turned the other upside down on top of the first and began to shake them vigorously.

"Don't worry, as you can see, I am not stirring them. They are always better after a good shaking."

Kagome was convinced the she had entered some cosmic intersection between Bizarro World and The Twilight Zone.

He placed the cup in her hand, and clinked the rim with his. "To you feeling well."

He placed the cup to his lips and took a small sip.

Kagome tossed the whole drink back in one shot. _Wow, I needed that. Thats really good sake, maybe the shaking does have something to do with it. _She held the cup out to him for a refill. He took the cup from her gently, and proceed to make another mixed drink that consisted of only one ingredient.

"Sesshomaru-sama, I have the feeling that you want something. This the third time in two days that I have seen you, and you are always acting like someone else. Is something wrong with you? Do you need my help in some way?

Sesshomaru knew that he had the perfect opportunity to just tell her what was going on. She was here with him, alone, and ...wet. But something in him just wouldn't give in. He had started down this road, and by kami he would complete his plan. He couldn't just tell her, he wanted her to fall into his arms, swept up in the moment and the perfect "cool guy" that he had created for her.

"Actually, Miss Miko Penny, I do require your assistance. I need you to accompany me to a game of cards against my enemy, which I will win. Do not worry, I will kill him later. After that we shall retire to a private chamber and make love, quite vigorously."

He handed her cup back, which she immediately downed and handed back to him for another top up. Instead of mixing another drink, he just replaced her empty cup with his full one which she tossed back as well.

He cocked an eyebrow at her in interest as he began another round. Apparently the shaking was doing the trick. He was a little surprised that she had been able to ingest so much of his special sake in so short of a time and still be standing.

"Did you just say that we're gonna do it, after you play a game of baccarat?"

"Of course, isn't this the way it's supposed to happen?"

Kagome wasn't sure what was supposed to happen. Part of the problem is that the the edges of her eyes were beginning to blur, and everything she said sounded elongated and weird.

"But how do you know who these people are?"

"What people, my dear?"

"You know, The Rock, John Wayne, and now 007. How could you possibly know who they are, or what they sound like, or what they drink? I mean, TV wont even be invented for over 400 more years."

Something in Kagome clicked as a possible solution presented it's self.

"InuYasha told you! I should have known. He sits there with Sota and watches that TV for hours. They're always either watching TV, or playing video games. Is that who your going to be next, a guy from a video game? Who will you be next time? Naruto? Raiden? Mario? Or maybe you just dig TV characters better, lets see, who else could you pop up as? Oprah? Chuck Norris? Oh I got it, Xena Warrior Princess!"

"I can assure you miko, I have had no discussion with the hanyou on these matters." His voice had lost a bit of it's smoothness, and a growl was beginning to form at the mention of his brothers name. Everything had been going so well, why did she have to bring him up?

"Very well, I can understand your hesitation at my previous offer, would you care to search for the remaining exploding weapons, and destroy them before they can fall into our enemies hands? Or we could slide down a frozen mountain while battling enemies from all sides. Come, both scenarios have been arranged."

Kagome shook away the mental picture of Sesshomaru as Chuck Norris, there was no way that so much manly sexiness could fit in one package. _What would his package look like?_ More head shaking.

"No, Sesshomaru, I really wish you would just tell me what's going on. If InuYasha didn't tell you, then where did you see all this stuff?"

All that head shaking had set the forest spinning around her. She reached out a hand to steady herself, but the only stable purchase she found was...Him.

"Miko!" he gasped as he dropped the shaking cups, and wrapped his arm around her.

"I'm schorry, I schpilled schake martini all down your pants."

She moved her arms in an attempt to help clean the liquid off his trousers, but only managed to act like her arms had changed into rubber tentacles.

"Kagome," his voice soft, his face close to hers, "do you desire me this way?"

"Ghwaaa"

"Does this personality please you enough to desire me?"

She reached a hand up to touch his face, wanting nothing more than for him to hold her like this and explain everything. Her plan was to gently cup his cheek in an attempt to let him know that it was all right, she was here for him. Her gesture didn't quite come out the way she planned. It was more of a flopping fish than a gentle cup. Her hand groped and grasped his face in an attempt to find his cheek.

"I don't understchand." She wanted to, she really did. She had never seen the icy lord like this before. The hairs on her neck and arms were standing up, and she could feel a warmth rushing through her body. She just wished she could see his face, everything was blurring into blackness.

"KAGOMEEEEEE!"

Sesshomaru's head snapped up at the sound of his brothers yell coming through the forest. _Damn him! Damn the cursed half-breed to the seventh level of hell! I will go to hell and create more levels just so I can damn him further!_

He lay her gently down on the soft grass surrounding the small spring. He gazed at her face for a moment, and placed a soft kiss on her lips. He had been so close! He thought for a moment about pulling back the towel that now barely covered her for a quick glimpse of his prize.

But, he heard InuYasha bounding through the trees, he had obviously caught her scent, and probably his as well.

InuYasha sped as fast as he could, he had been distracted when Kagome had left the camp. He had been caught up in telling the kitsune about the time when Rey Mysterio Jr. had taken on all of Mr. McMahon's henchmen and had won the coveted title, and the golden belt that went with such accomplishments.

He hadn't even noticed when she slipped away. Why did this country have so many springs? He had checked two that were close to the camp, and had fallen in one that he hadn't even noticed before heading to the west and picking up her scent. Did she deliberately go to the spring furthest from camp, or was she just directionally challenged?

When he winded his brother as well, he picked up the pace to breakneck speed. Why was Sesshomaru so interested in them all the sudden?

He dropped to the ground at the waters edge. Looking and sniffing around he soon located the girl. She was laying on her back, her bundle of clothes under her head, spilled sake cups at her side, with only a towel on, and one breast exposed. He stared for a moment at the endowment that was peeking through the sodden terry cloth. He scooped up the girl and her belongings, and with one last look around, began to run in the direction of the camp.

Sesshomaru emerged from the trees and stooped down to pick up the cup that she had been drinking from. He studied it and placed it in the sleeve of his kimono. He had been so close, she had actually talked with him, had been concerned for him, had even offered to help. They had shared a drink, well, a bottle, and she had drank most of it. He could tell that she had felt something as he had held her.

_So smooth is better than brash for her._ He again began to go through the mental rolodex getting rid of certain names, and moving others. _Ah, perfect. Smooth, heroic, commanding, and as luck would have it, used to dealing with women from another world._


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note: Thanks again to everyone that reviewed my silly bit of brain flotsam. I have received some of the best compliments from yall. Some answers to questions that no one has asked: I have no intention of endlessly letting this run on, digging for characters, and continuing to force it after the thrill is gone. There is a point, and the story is going somewhere. Hopefully it will get there after everyone has peed their pants. Enjoy

4--

Chapter 4: The Turn

Kagome awoke with a splitting headache. She felt as if she couldn't even turn her head from the sheer weight of her hair. Why, oh why did the wind blowing the blades of grass by her head have to be so loud?

She started moving about, trying to get her bearings. Her eye lids cracked and the barest gleam of sunlight hit her bloodshot eyeballs. She hissed, cursing whoever had come up with the whole sun thing in the first place. Slowly her senses began to adjust.

She was sitting in the shade of a large tree. Judging where the sun was, she guessed it to be about nine or ten o clock in the morning. She was wearing Sango's spare kimono, and all she really wanted to do at the moment was brush her teeth, and die.

She heard her friends talking as they came closer. She tried to sit up with a groan, but only got up as far as one elbow. Pushing off again, she made it all the way up. _What happened to me? Was I in a battle, and just don't remember? My body doesn't feel injured, but my head! Oh kami, my head!_

Sango's voice carried the distance between them, "Oh good, she's awake."

"Let me through!" Kagome winced as InuYasha yelled. He barreled through the group to get to her side first, even though there were only a few yards away.

"Kagome, what...!"

"InuYasha," Kagome spoke in a very small, quiet voice. From her tone, and the look in her eyes, they all knew she meant business. "Unless you lower your voice, I will S-I-T you, till you hit bedrock."

InuYasha knew when not to get on her bad side. This seemed like the right time to do whatever a powerful priestess, that just happened to have a powerful ground pounding spell on him, said to do.

He lowered his voice, "Kagome, what hap..."

"Lower."

An irritated growl escaped his lips.

"Bedrock, InuYasha"

She cocked one eye up at him, measuring his reaction to see if she would spend the rest of the day drilling a well with his body.

Miroku tried to sidestep the near imminent fight between his two friends, "Kagome, is there anything I can get you?"

"A drink of water would be nice"

The kind monk busied himself with the task.

"Look, I know everyone wants to know what happened to me last night, but to tell you the truth, I'm not really sure myself."

"Can you remember anything at all?" Sango was concerned for her friend. It seemed as though she was always the target for the worst and wicked in the area. She couldn't count the times the girl had been attacked, kidnapped, poisoned, and generally roughly handled by every idiot that wanted a jewel shard.

"Yeah, it's beginning to come back to me. I went to the spring for a bath"

"Keh" from InuYasha

Her look told him with no words that any more comments from him would earn him that trip south she had mentioned earlier.

"Jaken showed up as Goldfinger, and Sesshomaru was James Bond. He shot Jaken, poured me a drink, and we talked for a minute. I must have stumbled, cuz he caught me and said something else I can't remember. Things get pretty fuzzy after that."

She took the skin of water that Miroku handed her. She took a cautious sip at first. After making sure that her stomach would be happy with the drink, she proceeded to drain most of the skin.

Shippo was confused. "He must have poisoned you then, for you to sleep for so long."

"No runt, he didn't poison her, she just drank too much demon sake." Holding up the porcelain sake bottle from the night before.

"Demon sake?" The group said in unison.

"Yeah, it's sake, made for demons. It's a lot stronger that the sake you humans drink. Most of the time a human can only drink one, maybe two cups before passing out. I can drink eight or so before I black out."

"Hey," Miroku glared at InuYasha, "you owe me five gold pieces from last week!"

Hiraikotsu was not close, so Sango used the flat of her hand upside the monks head to remind him to have his quarrel with the dog later.

The water had slaked her thirst, and now all that remained was the pounding in her temples. She had heard her friends from school talk about drinking before, but she had never really tried it. A sip of champagne or sake at big family gatherings or parties was all she had ever had, until last night.

"So," InuYasha asked dryly, "Did ya make it to two, or pass out after the first one like the monk here."

Kagome thought back to the previous evening. That sake had tasted so good, and he had looked kind of dashing all decked out in black. Acting suave and strong, but approachable and caring as well.

"Five or six... maybe seven."

InuYasha and Miroku's mouth's hung open in disbelief.

Sango elbowed Miroku in the ribs. "Why didn't you tell me you had some good sake? Maybe I might have liked a drink."

"You and Kagome had gone to the spring to bathe, and InuYasha brought it out and made a bet that he could out drink me. By the time you got back, I was already passed out."

"Next time we pass a village, get some sake, and maybe we will have a drinking contest, that is if you can accomplish what we talked about yesterday."

Miroku looked over at the slayer, she was so beautiful, he had longed for a sign from her that she was interested. Anything to tell him that his advances were beginning to wear her down. And then yesterday, it happened.

She had been sitting by his side, taking care of his wounds, and giving him unusually generous and lingering views of her cleavage. When the others were off looking for food, water, and firewood, she had placed one hand on his cheek, and brought her mouth close to his ear.

"Do you possess any special talents Miroku?"

"Many."

"Are any of them like the ones we just saw Sesshomaru perform?"

"I do not understand."

"Did you notice the way he... bounced the muscles in his chest?"

"I was laying on the ground gasping for breath at the time, but yes I believe I know what you're talking about"

"If you were able to duplicate such a feat, with your body all oiled up like his, I'm not sure I would be able to keep my hands off of you."

She had stood up and gone to help the others, leaving him out of breath and wondering if he could perform such a trick. He had never tried before, but he was trying now. Every chance he got, while walking, or resting, or laying down trying to sleep, he trained. He was unsure just how much bounce or rhythm would be required for her to keep her promise.

Kagome stood, deciding that there was no other way he could have intimate, detailed knowledge of these characters, she made a decision. "I need to go home, Now!"

"What! We just got out here, we haven't even found a single shard since the last time you left!"

InuYasha's indignation was bringing him painfully close to being an all day grass stain. Kagome's cocked eyebrow reminded him of her previous threat. _Wow, Sesshomaru's eyebrow thing really does work!_

"Sesshomaru has obviously traveled to my time somehow, and been watching TV. We have to figure out how, and what it is he really wants."

"Who cares what he wants! I say we let him keep acting like an idiot. To be honest with ya, I've been looking forward to seeing him again today. I wonder who he's gonna show up as next. Jessie James, McGuyver, Ooh, Ooh, I got it! Elvis!"

He jumped up and began to swing his and pump his hips. "Listen to a jail house rock, just listen to a jail house rock." His legs spread wide, he swung his arm in a circle over his head. " Thank ya, mama luv ya, good night" He finished the dance with his head down, arm held high in a pretty decent characterization of the King.

A half mile up wind of the party, Sesshomaru's preternatural ears listened in the their conversation. _Shit! Damn you InuYasha. You always ruin everything! _He began to remove his latest costume. It hadn't been his first choice for today, but when Kagome had slept for half the morning, he had begun to second guess his original decision. _I will return to plan A. _He looked down at the discarded and now useless uniform. _ It took me all night to get those tiny jewels to stick to that fabric!_

"Baka!" Sango thumped the hanyou on the top of the head. " Kagome needs to get home and see if everyone there is OK. If Sesshomaru went through the well, the first people he would meet would be her family."

InuYasha stopped rubbing his skull, the implications of what Sango had said sinking in. He truly cared for Kagome's family, he looked at Sota like a little brother, and Mrs. Higurashi had welcomed him with open arms, and trusted him to take care of her daughter. She never complained once when he would eat everything in the house. "Growing boys need their food" she would say with unflappable optimism, and grab her handbag, headed to the shops for more provisions.

"I'll start packing up the camp. I'm sure they're fine. We'll just go and make sure." He jumped up and began to make a mess of everything, having never helped pack before.

"It does not seem as though Sesshomaru's intentions are to harm any one." said Miroku trying to calm his friends fears about her family. "If anything, it looks more like he is trying to communicate something to us. I do not think he would injure your family, as it would serve him no purpose. He is a killer, but in the past, he has only killed to achieve an end, not for pleasure." Miroku took a moment and prayed that he was right.

They busied themselves, picking up after InuYasha, and packing things properly. Amazingly, as always, fitting as much stuff in Kagome's yellow pack, as could fit in a mid-sized SUV.

Kagome ducked behind some bushes and changed back into her own clothes. Her friends were right, he had no reason to harm her family, she pushed the thought out of her mind. _What does he really want? If only I could remember everything he said last night. He was asking me a question, as he was holding me._ Her skin prickled as it had before, and she started breathing harder. _Strong arm, warm breath, those eyes. Mmmmmmm. MmmmmmMmmmmm!_

"Kagome!?"

"Eek!" she jumped.

"You OK?" asked the slayer, "Your face is red. Was Miroku trying to watch you change?!"

She looked around and spied him across the clearing gathering up the water bottles. She sighed with relief. If she had to smack him, it would only delay their departure even further.

"No, no! I'm fine... good... great... ready... really... I'm ... lets go."

She hoped her friend hadn't seen her puckering and pretending to kiss the imaginary Inu secret agent.

The sun was high by the time the band was making their way down the path. They had opted to eat their lunch as they walked. Sandwiches and fruit roll-ups from Kagome's pack were munched as they made their way back. Because of the late start, then knew that it would be midday tomorrow before they made it back to the well.

Apparently the gods had noticed that nothing dangerous, strange, humiliating, or completely insane had happened in several hours, and it was time to intervene.

A red sheet began to move across across the path. Not blown by the wind, but held by someone or something behind it to conceal their identity. Due to the previous visits of the last few days, they were relatively sure of the man behind the curtain. The question was who was he today.

The sheet began to wave and wiggle, rolling as the person holding on, shook it. He lowered it to the ground and let it fall as he "teleported" to the surface. He wore tight black pants, and much to Sango's chagrin, a maroon shirt with a triangle on the left chest.

He removed a small piece of wood from his belt, and flicked his hand out

"Deedle De" he began to speak into the wooden communicator.

"I have...arrived on the surface of the ...alien planet. It ...seems as though... the air is good for...breathing."

_No! Please NO! Not him, anyone but him. Why couldn't he have come as 007 again. At least The Rock had a physical appeal, not that she didn't find Sesshomaru appealing as he was. But this was just...ridiculous!_

"Deedle De. I will... seek out the ...natives of this strange land, and try ...to establish communication with ... them."

Right on cue InuYasha leaped forward in a defensive posture, half a fruit roll up still hanging out of his mouth. "What the hell are you doing here? And why would you get her drunk on demon sake, and leave her in the forest? "

"Deedle De. I have... come into contact with one of the... savages. Although he... appears to have some... minor brain activity, he does not... yet seem to have developed intelligent... speech."

"Huh?"

Kagome and Sango giggled into their hands, and the monk smiled. Shippo rolled on the ground, happy that someone else enjoyed insulting InuYasha as much as he did.

"TAAAKEEE MEEEE TO YOOURRR LEEEADERRRR" Sesshomaru wildly gestured between himself and the flummoxed hanyou, willing him to understand.

"That's it! You have lost it! Yesterday it was funny, but now it's just getting annoying! I know you want Kagome for something, well, whatever it is, ya cant have her!" Tetsusaiga transformed, he pointed the mighty blade at the TaiYoukai.

"Deedle De. It... appears the male of the group is... challenging me. If... I am... able to defeat him, I will gain his... trust, and that of the...whole tribe."

InuYasha charged forward, prepared to spear his enemy on the tip of the fang. Sesshomaru waited till the last second, sidestepped, and brought his knee into the his abdomen. The air rushed out of the half-breed's lungs with a whoosh. Sesshomaru kicked out hard, his foot connecting with InuYasha's hand, sending the now reverted blade flying across the clearing and burying itself to the hilt in a huge oak tree. His elbow then crashed down on the hanyou's spine sending the pup into the dirt with a yelp. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he lay still.

Sesshomaru began walking towards the rest of the group. All eyes were fixed on him, their crumpled protector all but forgotten.

"Deedle De. I have... defeated their champion, although I have not... killed him. I wish them to know that I am not ...cruel. He was a... formidable opponent, but I ...will not be deterred from my... mission."

As he strode towards them, he paused and ripped his shirt in several places.

_Oh, yes please, rip that shirt off, show Miroku how it's done. _Sango's eyes lit up at the prospects of a repeat to yesterdays show.

"People of this... strange planet. I have... defeated those that have held you... prisoner. You are ...free!"

He took one long stride and was directly in front of Kagome. She looked up at him wondering if it was possible to that she was just having one long Ramen fueled nightmare.

"You and I are... not so different. We ... come from different worlds, but... I am still a man, and you ...are...a woman."

"Did you just teleport" finger quotes in the air "here, using a bed sheet?"

"My tek-no-logy may seem...strange to you, but do not...fear, it will do you no ...harm."

_OK, that voice is starting to piss me off!_

"Come," he walked over and picked up the sheet. " my metal bird is ...high in the sky. I will ...take you there and show you many flashing lights and ...buttons."

"Captain" the toad stepped out of the bushes, again reading from a parchment, obviously as tired of the pretense as the girl. "Kling-gon's are attacking your metal sky ship with their laz-ers. I would not leave the earth woman here Captain, that would be illogical."

His lines read, he retreated to the bushes muttering something about the "urges" of Inu males.

While Sesshomaru had been distracted by his delusion, InuYasha had regained consciousness. He silently crept to where Tetsusaiga was still stuck in the tree. As he grasped the grip, the demon fang transformed. He had a fleeting thought that he could cut down his brother who stood with his back to him. He had tried this tactic before, and it had always ended up with him in the dirt and a boot on his neck.

Wisely, he sheathed his birthright, and focused instead on getting Kagome as far away from this madman as possible.

In a burst of speed he came up directly behind Sesshomaru knowing that he would turn and block the attack. As the Inu Lord did so, he veered left, and towards his intended target. Scooping her up in his arms, he ran down the path and out of sight.

They all looked as the cloud of dust settled and they turned their attention back to "The Captain".

He was a bit startled that his half-brother had actually showed a bit of intelligence and planning in his attack. He had to admit that the hanyou was getting better. _I will double my training as soon as I get back to the metal bird...uh... palace._.

"Deedle De. I have... freed the prisoners on the primitive...world. My... only regret is that I was unsuccessful... in my ultimate goal. Perhaps... one day these...savages and we who live in the sky can call each other... friends."

He realized that he was talking to no one, the others had started after their disappearing friends.

"Deedle De. Nothing is ... left for me here in this barren ...place. I will return to the ...metal flying bird with the hope that... one day I may have another chance to... mate with the ...strange... alien... female."

He stooped down, and began wiggling the sheet, slowly raising it up to cover his tall figure. He began to ponder his next move. _She was not wholly unreceptive to this person. Perhaps it is because she can relate to his grasp of her future world. She seemed to have a positive response to my compassion for those weaker to myself. I should try a "cool guy" that is devoted to helping of others._

_Looking around, he realized that he was still standing in the middle of the path, with a sheet over his head._


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note: Sorry for the posting delay. I had a hard time with the second half of this chapter. There was supposed to be another character, but I just couldn't pull it off the way I wanted to. I may post it after the story is finished as a "Deleted Scene" or something.

Thanks for everyone's feedback, I have tried to reply to everyone, but here is a thanks in case I missed you.

Special thanks to Miss Kagura for her encouragement. I know I shouldn't support your habit, but here's a whole plate of cookies, just for you. Enjoy

Chapter 5: The Breakdown

The group had caught up with Kagome and InuYasha a couple of hundred yards down the path. InuYasha had wanted to run, carrying her the whole way to the well. But there was no way she would leave her friends behind, especially not knowing who Sesshomaru would materialize as next.

They had continued on till nightfall and made camp. InuYasha had protested, complaining about humans and their pathetic eyesight.

Their had eaten Ramen, lovely Ramen, food of ninjas and the very gods themselves. Afterwards, Kagome had dug a small hole and buried the Styrofoam and paper bowls as she did every night. She often wondered if some archaeologist, 500 years from now, might come out of a dig with a ancient demon bone in one hand, and a Ramen bowl in the other. She giggled at the confused look he would have on his face, and how they would try to rationally explain it in some nerdy science journal.

She turned, and noticed InuYasha looking directly at her. He hadn't let her out of his sight all afternoon, and insisted on standing quite close by when she had ducked behind a bush earlier.

Normally she would have welcomed the attention from him. She cared for him deeply, and for so long had wanted so badly for him to care for her in the same way. But, in the past few days, her thoughts had turned to someone else. She couldn't deny that she had always found him attractive, in a cold, distant, arrogant, pompous, snotty, smooth, warm, silvery, golden, powerful, very sexy kind of way.

A yelp broke her mental drifting, and she turned her attention back to the camp. Sango stood over Miroku's limp form. He lay on the ground, obviously a recipient of the slayers iron fist.

"Well, if you're not able to figure out how to do it, I'll find someone who can!"

She reached down and grabbed hers and Kagome's packs.

"Come on Kagome, lets go take a bath. I saw a hot spring just out of screaming distance on the way here."

"Oh no you don't! The hanyou dropped from his perch. "Sango, you can go, but she's staying here."

"InuYasha, I'd hoped that you could go just one day without me telling you to SIT!"

She flounced past his flattened form.

"I will go where I want, when I want." She turned and pointed a finger at the slowly rising figure. "And if I even suspect that you've followed us, you'll be sleeping in a hole!"

Miroku looked over at his dirt-loving companion and mumbled, "Women, you can't live with em, but I'm sure as hell not sleeping with you." he instinctively flexed his pecs, willing them to perform as she desired.

Sango and Kagome relaxed in the warm waters of the spring, letting the soothing heat melt off the stress of the day. Kagome finally felt the last of the headache from last nights interlude fade from her temples, and disappear.

Crickets chirped, frogs croaked, and giraffes whistled in the darkness. The quiet was calming. For some reason, there was always plenty of light, even though it was the middle of the night. The stars twinkled overhead, like a thousand blazing suns, millions of light years away.

"Kagome"

"Yeah, Sango"

"What do you want out of life? I mean, if Naraku is destroyed, and the jewel is completed, and you can go home. What are you gonna do with your life then?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't really thought about doing anything, except for finding all the shards for so long. I guess I'LL finish school and go to college. I always wanted to be a dancer, or a quantum physicist, but I'll probably just end up being a leg model. What about you?"

"I think that Miroku and I are gonna open up a male strip club."

"What?!"

"You know, a place where women come and watch guys take their clothes off and dance around. And if they thought the guy was really hot, they could give him some extra money and he would..."

A falling form interrupted their conversation, as something splashed into the pool in front of them. They shook the water from their eyes and looked to see what had disturbed their rest.

The smiling face of a small girl bobbed to the surface.

"Help! Help me! I am unable to swim on my own. I ate a large meal less that half an hour ago, and now I am in pain. Please help me! Is there no -sama who can save me?!"

Rin thrashed about, splashing and flailing her arms.

Both girls moved to help the child, forgetting in whose company she always traveled.

"It's OK Rin, I'll help you."

As the girls got closer, it seemed as though the girl was playing a joke on them. She was still splashing about, but she was smiling and giggling the whole time. As if it was a game that they didn't know about.

"I'll save you, helpless human female!" A deep voice called across the water.

He seemed to run towards them in slow motion. His natural grace and athleticism gave him the ability to look like he was jogging on the moon. His skin, instead of it's usual alabaster, was brown and glistening. He wore a pair of red shorts, and nothing else.

He leaped from the far side of the spring, and landed lightly beside the "drowning" child.

Scooping her swiftly from the waist deep water, he carried her, under his arm to the shore and laid her in the grass. The girls followed. As strange as he had been acting, there was no was they were going to miss this show.

"Come on, Pull through!" He leaned down and blew into her face several times. Rin giggled as his warm breath tickled her eyelashes.

"Come on! Don't give up on me!" He blew several more times and started to hit her lightly, on the chest, with his fists.

"Breathe, damn you, breathe!" Still smiling, she coughed several times and sat up.

Oh, thank you Ses-s-s, The Hasselhoff-sama for saving me with your powerful breathing technique."

She jumped up, ran back to the pool of water, and began to sing as she squished her toes in the mud, "Candy ass, candy ass, smacking down a candy ass." It has become her favorite new song, and she loved to show her toad protector how loud and long she could keep it going.

He stood, "Yes, I am, The Hasselhoff, protector of the sandy lake."

He remembered when he and the boy had been watching TV. Sota had been quite interested in this particular show.

"What is this?" he had asked the boy at the start of every program.

"Dude, it's the Hoff."

"The Hoff?

"Yeah, The Hasselhoff. Man, I wish I could be him. I mean just look what he is surrounded by!"

Sesshomaru had observed how this human male had, thrown himself into the water and saved others. The barely clothed females had gazed adoringly at him. He was obviously revered among his people, a hero, a god.

He turned his attention back to the females who stared at him. _Yes, this is who the ninjen wants. He is kind and helps others, as she does._

"I am sworn to protect the slow-witted people of this place, whether by running slowly on the sand, or going quite fast in my speeding boat. As you can see, we are both dressed quite immodestly, and yet I am unashamed."

Sango's eyes were glued to his brown nipples, not wanting to blink, lest she miss a twitch.

_Sota! It had to be Sota. _Kagome slapped her forehead in realization._ That little Hentai shit loved this show. But how had he convinced the Inu to watch with him?_

"Sesshomaru-sama," she laid a hand on his arm. "Please tell me what is going on. Why do you keep appearing and putting on these shows for me? I really don't understand." She looked up into his eyes, "But I want to try."

He gazed back down at her, his arm tingling under her touch. _It's working! She has fallen under The Hasselhoff's spell. She cannot resist him, errrr, me._

"I am surrounded every day by women with large buoyant bosoms, and good pup bearing hips. And I see that today is no exception."

She looked down at her wet bathing suit, began to blush.

"You have no reason to feel embarrassed. Please come with me, I will show you my house, built on tall legs, where I spy on scantily clad women, who are too stupid to stay out of the dangerous waters."

She pulled back to cover herself when she felt something on her palm. It was brown and oily, like oil mixed with dirt. She glanced down at the dog to see rivers of muddy oil running down his legs from where he had jumped in the water earlier.

She was really starting to be concerned.

"Please, can't you just tell me what's going on now? I know you went to my time somehow and watched TV. From this," she gestured to the strange sight before her. Brown on top, red in the middle, and white on the bottom. " I'm guessing that you did it with my little brother. Is this his idea of a joke?" The thought made her angry. " Telling you to dress up and follow me around like some freaky film student psychopath?"

He was loosing her, _quick, say something sooth, something cool, something ... Hoff._

"Shall I remove your wet clothes to prevent you from catching a cold sickness? I would be happy to provide you with heat from my own body also. I believe the custom requires that we kiss as well."

"That's enough! I cant take any more of this!" Kagome screamed her frustration into the dark!

Almost immediately a blur of red and white appeared streaking down from the trees. InuYasha had been sitting just out of hearing distance, waiting for them to return. He had thought of checking on them visually, but remembered the miko's earlier threat.

"What the hell? Is that you Sesshomaru?" he stared openly, trying to discern just who he was supposed to be.

"Ruffian, you will terrorize the good people of the sandy beach no longer." At first, he was annoyed at the hanyou's appearance, but then realized that it gave him another opportunity to demonstrate just how heroic he was. "This Hasselhoff will strike you down for handing out bad pills to children, and leaving your food wrappers on the sand."

"Hasselhoff?" the realization of Sesshomaru's current alter ego sank in, and InuYasha began to laugh.

He had never seen anything more ridiculous in his whole life. The more he figured out what was going on, the harder he laughed. Rolling on the ground, holding his sides in pain, he howled.

"Oh please tell me that I didn't miss Jaken dancing around in a stuffed bikini!" The mental image sent him into another shameless fit of laughter.

"I cant believe this, The mighty Sesshomaru, The Killing Perfection, The Lord of the Western Lands, acting like the dork from "Baywatch" to try and get Kagome to like you?"

_How does InuYasha know about Baywatch? Oh yeah, SOTA! Wait, what did he say? Sesshomaru likes me?_

Sesshomaru didn't know what a "dork" was, but by his brothers tone, it was not a term of honor. He was also unhappy that the idiot had figured out his real intentions before the miko had.

Sesshomaru tried to regain control of the situation. "Perhaps I could give you a ride in my speaking mechanical wagon. I use it to capture those who would hurt others. I am also the Nighttime Rider."

InuYasha roared uncontrollably. "The Nighttime Rider! You did not just say that! Why don't you just invite her to Germany to see you in concert where you're still popular!"

Normally, Kagome would have let InuYasha have his fun, knowing pain that the Tai Youkai had caused his younger sibling in the past. But things were different now. Sesshomaru was trying... to..., well drive her crazy for one, but his attempts to communicate with her, in what he thought was, her own language, was starting to have an effect on her.

"Sit, boy." she said quietly.

She stepped over the chuckling crater, and moved close to him.

"Sesshomaru-sama, are you trying to tell me something, is what InuYasha said right?"

A voice came from the InuYasha shaped hole, "maybe we should put a flashing red light on AhUn's head." more peals of laughter.

"Sit, boy." InuYasha sank several feet further, but continued his giggling. "If there is something you want to tell me, I would really love to hear it." She looked up into his eyes.

"Come on Hoff, sing her a song, put your leather jacket around her shoulders, and show her how you can drive a car into the back of a moving truck."

"Sit, Sit, Sit" she growled through clenched teeth

"I have been acting foolish." he stated, hoping she would disagree with him.

"Well yes, but now that I kinda know what's going on, I think it'd kinda..."

He turned quickly and walked back into the forest.

Kagome and Sango picked up their things and began to walk back to the camp in silence.

InuYasha stayed where he was, he was quite comfortable. He continued to laugh as he replayed the entire incident over, and over in his head.

--

He watched from a distance as they broke camp at dawn, and started for the well. He had wandered in the darkness till he found himself at their small encampment. Looking up he had spied InuYasha perched high in a tree, huge grin still plastered on his moronic face.

They had made good time, and were at the well before the sun was high. He wanted to go to her and explain everything. The problem was, he couldn't explain anything to himself, let alone her. All the hours of his vigil in front of the glowing box was scrolling through his mind in a loop. He was searching desperately for something, anything! Something to make her understand what he felt. He knew his mind was beginning to break, _Maybe this is why the miko's alone hold power over the box. Perhaps they alone are able to absorb it's power and not succumb to madness._ He wanted desperately to admit defeat, but his stubborn nature refused to let him give it up.

She waved and vaulted over side of the well, blue light engulfing her. Her friends began to move away, headed for the village. They turned as he walked into the clearing, not sure what to expect now that Kagome was gone.

The visions in his head had taken over. He had no control over his words or actions. The loop continued to pass in front of his eyes as the demons of the box possessed his mind.

He stood, staring blankly into the space before him, eyes focused on nothing.

InuYasha called his name several times as he approached, and waved his hand in front of the vegetative demon.

"Yep, I knew it. He's lost it, he is completely gone."

Sesshomaru began to move and speak, but not in his usual, my nose is much higher in the air than yours, voice. The internal film reel was now on the outside, using his voice and body like a puppet.

"And now for something completely different. A man with a tape recorder up his nose."

"CLICK"

He made a clicking sound with his mouth while pushing the button of a pretend remote control.

"Don't cry for me Argentina, the truth is I never left you!"

"CLICK"

"The male of the species had colorful plumage, for attracting a mate. He ruffles his feathers in an attempt to appear larger, trying to show that he is the best pick of the group, and will give her chicks the best chance for survival."

"CLICK"

InuYasha sat down in the grass and rested his back against the side of the well. The grin grew until it threatened to tear the skin of his cheeks. _This is gonna be great. I hope she stays gone for a week this time._

"Come and listen to a story of a man named Jed, poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. But then one day he was shootin at some fooooooooood. When up from the ground come a bubblin crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas T."

"CLICK"

_At least a week._


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: I understand that everyone will not get all the references in this chapter. If you have a question about a particular quote, feel free to PM me and ask; but don't expect an answer. My Mamasama6 is seriously beginning to doubt my sanity, and all I can say is "what took ya so long?"

Have fun kids.

4--

Chapter 6: The Loop

Kagome was livid. She climbed up the ladder in the well. W_hat did that little turd tell Sesshomaru to make him act this way?_

She never thought the mighty leader of the dog demon tribe capable of humor at all, let alone the actions of the past couple of days. _He has pushed it too far this time, telling him to act like that to impress me. _

She stomped across the yard, her anger growing. If any demons had been nearby, they would have fled from the powerful aura that flowed and spiked around her. _He probably told him which people to imitate, knowing that it would drive me nuts. I mean really, Captain Kirk? The Rock!?_

She stood in the kitchen, seething. Her hands balled into hard fists. _What's his problem anyway_? _It's all that manga he reads, and those stupid anime cartoons. He never does anything else! No wonder his brain is mush. I mean, how mentally deficient do you have to be to like that kind of stuff anyway. The only people that like it are adolescent boys, that can't talk to a girl, much less get a date. It's obvious, all the characters ever do is run around, and have adventures in some strange never, never land. Fighting giant monsters, and evil incarnate, and none of the main characters ever get killed!_

She marched up the stairs, half expecting him to pop out of his room yelling, "Ha, ha! You just got punk'd!"and start laughing at the great joke he had played on her. _I'll kill him! I will murder his ass, and then drag him down the well and get Sesshomaru to use Tensaiga to bring him back._

The thought of Sesshomaru slowed her for a moment. As angry as she was at the twerp, what she really wanted was to help the handsome demon. If for no other reason, but to find out what he had been trying to tell her. She stood outside his room, the door slightly open. _I will kill him. But first, I'm gonna make him suffer._

She poked her head in the half open door. He sat with his back to the room, hunched over the desk, busily writing and scribbling. The TV was on with the volume turned down low. This is what he did most days after he got home from school. "I will become a Super Sayan! I will ascend to the next level and save my dad!" _Boy, what a surprise._

The door squeaked a bit as she pushed it to step inside. He turned.

"Hey, Kagome. I didn't hear you come in. Did InuYasha come back with you this time?" he turned back to his drawing.

"Nope, just me. I just wanted to come say hi and see what was going on."

"Not much, Mom will be back in a bit. She had to go tho the shops or something."

She sat on the bed.

"Hey, don't you think that InuYasha and Sesshomaru look a lot alike?"

"Well sort of, they both look like they..." his head shot up. His whole body went rigid as the "Oh Shits" came washing over him again.

"I knew it! I knew it was you! Who else would force feed this... garbage to a demon, and expect him to know how to cope!?" she gestured to the TV. An image of a boy with wild hair, squatting down like he was constipated filled the screen.

"I swear, it wasn't my fault! Kagome you have to believe me. He just showed up when you were on your field trip to The Ramen History Museum. What was I supposed to do? Say 'sorry giant killing demon dog, I don't wanna watch TV with you.'"

Kagome was a bit stunned. She hadn't thought about how intimidated Sota would have been.

"You've told me about him before, remember? I was terrified! It's all your fault anyway!"

"My fault? What are you talking about? I had nothing to do with this. He just showed up, acting like John Wayne, and The Rock, and James Bond, and Captain Kirk, and" she hated to even say it, "David... Hasselhoff."

Sota grinned, the mental images bouncing through his gray matter. "Wow, he was paying attention."

"What! I knew it! You told him to do all that stupid stuff!"

"Listen, he showed up wanting to talk to you. He had plans for the two of you, that I will let him explain himself. He wanted to wait for three days out in the courtyard. I knew that somebody was going to DIE if I just left him out there. He came in here and watched TV the whole time you were gone. He freaked out when I told him that you were about to get home and jumped back down the well again. I was just happy to be alive and still have all my appendages." He was breathing hard.

"He came here to talk to me? So he liked me before you put all that trash inside his head?"

"It wasn't me! He hogged the remote the whole time. He asked me questions about every show, and all the characters. He was especially interested in learning about the guys that seemed to get all the chicks. I thought I'd help him out a bit, and explain how stuff works in the 21st century."

"But Kirk, Sota, Captain Kirk. How could you let him think that William Shatner was anywhere near cool?"

"Look, the guy flies in a spaceship, shoots lasers, and sleeps with green skinned alien women. If that's not cool, I don't know what is."

"But Kirk! Sota! He asked me to go to his, 'metal flying bird and see his shiny buttons', for crying out loud. Seriously, Kirk"

"Look, I felt bad for the guy, I mean what if you liked somebody, a lot. But they were from a different culture, a different time, a different world, a different... species. I would be pretty hard figuring out what to say, and how to say it. Plus, he honestly seemed to like you. He seemed pretty impressed with you."

"Really?" her girlyness returning. "What did he say about me?"

Sota thought back. _Hmmm... lets see... wench... rut... mate... pups._ "No way, I'm not getting in the middle of this again. If you wanna know how he feels, go ask him." The boy folded his arms across his chest and gave her his best "wild horses couldn't drag it out of me" look.

"You're right, I do need to go and talk to him. Geez, Sota, when did you get so smart?"

"Well somebody round here has to." He tried his best to look wise and learned about such things. In reality, he was just glad to have gotten out of it unscathed. He had seen his sister's wrath visited upon InuYasha on more than one occasion, and he shuddered to think of what hideous spell she could put him under if angered enough.

"So, what ya workin on there?" She was trying to change the subject away from her circus of a love life.

"Oh, it's just something I do for practice."

She picked up the spiral notebook and began to flip through the pages. It was filled with images of her friends and their enemies from the feudal era.

"You've done a manga of us in the past? This is really good. You've got InuYasha down perfect."

"Well, you tell me the stories of your adventures hunting for the shards, and I just wanted to have it all down somewhere. See, here are the rest."

She looked down and saw a stack of yellow covered notebooks on the floor. "Wow, how many of our adventures do you have here?" She picked up another and started looking for a picture of herself.

"All of them. The one I'm working on now is what you told me about last week. Oooww! What was that for?!"

She had thumped him on the head.

"My skirt is not that short! I mean, the way you drew it, it's not a skirt at all! It's just a pleated belt and legs." She looked back and forth from the illustration and herself for comparison.

"You have got to go back through these and lengthen my skirt. Other than that these are great."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"And leave the current predicament out, please."

"Well, I'll think about it."

She stepped out of his room as he turned back to the desk. She really did love her little brother, and the drawings he had done were excellent.

"Oh," her head poked back inside the room, "you might want to find a better hiding place for that GREEN COVERED NOTEBOOK, I don't think mom would understand."

With a yell, he dove under his bed to retrieve his prized collection, and began furiously looking for a better place to conceal it from those that didn't understand his love.

She giggled as she walked down the stairs, headed for the door. _Now to deal with Sesshomaru._

--

She pulled on the vines hauling herself up toward the mouth of the well. _How many times do I have to ask that idiot to build me a ladder. Is that really too much to ask? "Look at me, I'm InuYasha, I can jump a hundred feet in the air, now carry that heavy pack filled with Ramen so I can eat it all, and then complain about how pathetic and weak you are."_ She thought in her best internal monologue InuYasha voice.

Her head poked over the top of the well. Usually the clearing was deserted when she arrived, or InuYasha would be sitting there yelling at her for how long she had been gone this time. This time a most unexpected sight greeted her.

All her friends were there. Kaede, Sango, Kirara, and Shippo sat on the grass just a few feet away. Jaken was there pacing, and wringing his hands and muttering, "Oh dear, Oh dear, what are we going to do?" Even AhUn was there, further off, happily munching on the best grass that Rin had found for him.

She stepped over the rim, and almost landed on InuYasha. He was sitting, back against the well, with a bag of "Jalapeno-Shrimp" flavored pork rinds, that she had accidentally brought instead of chips a few weeks ago. Rin was sitting in his lap, sharing the crunchy snacks, like he was her favorite uncle that had come to visit. They were pointing and laughing at the spectacle standing a few yards away.

It was Sesshomaru, but something was wrong.

"You cannot pass!" his voice was gruff. " I am the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor, dark fire will not avail you flame of Udun." He held his arms up, as if deflecting a blow. "Go back to the shadows." His arms came back down, driving the imaginary staff into the ground. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!" He turned slowly, but fell flat on his face. Looking up he whispered, "Fly you fools!"

"CLICK"

"Oh my god, You killed Kenny!" "You bastards!"

His actions, facial expressions, the gestures, the voices. They were all perfect. A little too perfect. This was no longer Sesshomaru pretending to be different characters. Sesshomaru was not in control, the people in the box had taken over completely. The car was still driving, but there was no one behind the wheel.

"CLICK"

"Bad boys, bad boys. What ya gonna do, what ya gonna do when they come for you." He ran in a circle around the well. "Weeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeoooooo. We just got a call on a domestic disturbance in the 2200 block of Pike and Main." He walked a few steps forward and pretended to knock on a door. "Police department! We had a call about... Oh! He's runnin!" He began to run again, but this time back and forth in front of them, and finally dove flat on the ground.

"Hey, buddy, don't make this any harder on yourself. Oof, HEY!, Ouch!" He wrestled with himself on the ground apparently playing the part of both the law, and the perp. "Ok, now, settle down, If' ya hadn't a run, this could have gone a lot easier. Now I've gotta take you down town. You have the right to remain..." He suddenly changed character.

"Get yo hands offa my man! Don't you touch him!" the shrill voice screeched.

Back to the police officer, "Ma'am, aren't you the one that called 911?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want you to hurt him. I love him."

"I love you too, Baby." he answered in the deeper voice of the man on the ground.

"Oh, Baby!" he flopped down on the ground and began to sob.

"Uuuhhhhh, what's going on here?" Kagome couldn't figure out why the demon lord was acting like he was trying out for a Broadway show.

"Oh, hey Kagome." InuYasha grinned up at her. She had never seen him so happy before, big smile on his face, acting... casual.

The girl in his lap jumped up and ran to hug her leg. "Oh, Kagome-sama, isn't it wonderful! Sesshomaru-sama is putting on a funny show for us.!" The child could hardly contain her excitement as she plopped back down in the hanyou's lap and reached for another pork rind.

"CLICK"

"Come on ladies, you can do it. And stretch, and step, and stretch, and step. And back , and up, and back , and up. And just two more now make em count. And up and kick, and up , and kick, and done! Wheeew! Good workout girls..."

And what a show it was. Kagome giggled into her hand as the once powerful killer stepped and kicked.

"CLICK"

"I. Wanna rock n roll all night, and party every day!" He jumped in the air while strumming his air-guitar furiously, and stuck out a long tongue and wiggled it all around. "Come on, everybody! I. Wanna rock n roll all night, and party every day."

"CLICK"

"Are you sure nobody gonna see this?" He stumbled and bobbed, his voice high and slurred. "I mean my dad would KILL me if anyone ever saw this." His drunken stumbling continued. Suddenly he grabbed his shirt and pulled it up over his head, exposing his chest, still stained a runny dirty brown. "Whoooo! Yeah! Spring break 2008, Cancun! Whooooooo! Girls Gone Wild, how do ya like these?!" He continued to flaunt "what his mama gave him". Sango instinctively covered Shippo's eyes, while simultaneously leaning forward to stare.

"CLICK"

"Mmmmmmmmm, forbidden donut...DOH!

"CLICK"

"Now, here's a real beaut." He stooped over, low to the ground, almost crawling, looking over his shoulder to talk to the camera. "See how she's snappin er jaws at me? Thats er way of sayin, 'keep away from my babies. Oh, she's absolutely georgous. Let's see if I can get in for a closer look. Oooh, she's a feisty one, ain't she?"

"CLICK"

"Alright, so we got our pasta on, now lets work on the sauce." He began to stir various pots cooking on the range. "We got some tomatoes, some, celery, an onion, and six cloves of gaaaarlic. Tell ya what, lets kick it up a notch and add some Essence as well. BAM!"

"CLICK"

"Lucy! Get down here! You got some 'splanin to do!" "Oh, Ricky! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"CLICK"

"And later, at seven, Chuck Norris is 'Walker, Texas Ranger'"

"CLICK"

Do You owe the I.R.S. more that 40,000.00?" "I owed the IRS so much money, I didn't know what I was gonna do." "Associated Tax Relief and help you settle your tax debt for just pennies on the dollar." "I owed 63,000.00. Associated Tax Relief helped me settle for only 1,200.00! Thanks Associated Tax Relief."

"CLICK"

"Billy Mays here." he declared as loudly as he could without actually shouting. "Do you wish your whites could be whiter and brighter? Well now they can, with OxiClean! Watch as I put OxiClean in this bucket of nasty water. It cuts right through the grit and the grime..."

_Ok, this is getting out of hand. _It had been funny for a few minutes, but now she was starting to get concerned. _There has to be some way of stopping this train wreck. Maybe I can just talk to him, I mean, that's how this whole thing started, with him wanting to talk to me. Well, can't get any weirder than it already is._

"CLICK"

It's LOG, it's LOG, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood." His arms swung as he sang the jingle. "It's LOG, it's LOG, it's better than bad it's good. Everyone wants a LOG...everyone needs a LOG. LOG! By: BLAMMO"

"Sesshomaru?"

"CLICK"

"African-American-Nazi-vegetarian-cannibal-transsexual/transgender-prostitutes get the test results back to find out who their 'baby daddy' is. On the next...Maury."

"Sesshomaru?"

"CLICK"

"I prey on those that prey on the innocent." His arm came up to conceal his face. "I am vengeance, I am the night. I'm Batman"

"You in there?"

"CLICK"

There's a bomb on the bus." "What?" "There's a bomb on the bus. Drive faster! If we don't keep this bus above 55 miles an hour... it's gonna explode!"

"Sesshomaru?"

"CLICK"  
"So no one told you life was gonna be this way." Clap, clap clap clap clap. "Your job's a joke, your broke, your love life's DOA. Seems like you're always stuck in second gear. When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. Well, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall. I'll be there for you, and you'll be there for me too." "Ross, you slept with a waitress?" "We were on a break!!"

"Please talk to me." she pleaded.

"CLICK"

"Never before has one CD compilation had so many of the best soft rock songs from the '70s, '80s, and '90s. Like this one: And I just cant fight this feelin any more..."

"Sota told me everything!" she crowed accusingly.

"CLICK"

"Vile woman. Victory will be mine!"

"Isn't there something you wanted to tell me?" she whispered

"CLICK"

"Martin, I'm sorry. Please extinguish your torch and collect your things to leave. You have been voted off the island."

"I'm listening now!" she said, her voice rising in frustration.

"CLICK"

"Ok Bob," his voice in a low whisper. "it looks as though he a has about a 12 to 14 foot putt for birdie. It isn't going to be an easy putt. Downhill, with a big break to the left. Lets see how he does."

"Ok,now your starting to piss me off!" She stamped her foot.

"CLICK"

"It's just the freaks under your bed. In your closet, in your head!" more air-guitar, but with out the jumping. "Exit light-a, enter niiIight-a. Take my hand. Off to never, never land."

Kagome did something she had never dreamed of doing. She slapped him, hard across the face. "Snap out of it!"

He said nothing and stared straight ahead for a moment. _Yes! It worked! I hope he wont be too mad that I hit him._

"CLICK"

"SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! Bring the kids, bring your friends, bring your grandma. That's right Sunday at 2, at the Tokyo Motor Speedway, it's the biggest, most destructive display of four-wheeled-power ever. It's MONSTER TRUCK MADNESS. With special guest CAR-ZILLA! Watch as CAR-ZILLA crunches and burns the losers trucks beyond recognition! SUNDAY, SUND..."

_Shit! Well guess it didn't work. What now?_

"CLICK"


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note: OK cats and Kittens, even thought the chapters name is "The End" dont worry, we're not quite finished yet. Just remember, Into every life a little rain must fall. Have fun.

4--

Chapter 7: The End

"My biscuits always bake up hot and flaky. The whole family will love em. Eehh heew"

"Hey" InuYasha came running up with a scowl, "What do you think your doing?"

"I'm trying to get him to wake up, this cannot be healthy, I mean, look at him." She had just noticed how awful his normal perfect appearance had become. His eyes were red, and bloodshot. His hair disheveled, and full of bits of twigs, leaves, and dirt. The clothes that had never before seen a wrinkle or a stain were now almost unrecognizable. She could even see that he was still wearing his "Captains" shirt under his kimono.

"Awww, he's fine, just leave him alone. I can finally say that I actually want to spend time with my brother." InuYasha begged, "Look, he seems so happy."

"CLICK"

"You will never forget the day, you almost caught, Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Kagome-sama." She looked down at the small child. "Please let Sesshomaru-sama stay this way. It's the only time I've ever seen him seem ...happy.

"CLICK"

"I love you. You love me. We're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, wont you say, you love me too."

She knelt down to be even with the girl's face. "Rin," she said sweetly, "Sesshomaru is not happy, he's..." she looked back at the dancing purple dinosaur..."disturbed. He is not himself. I am worried that if we can't figure out how to help him, he may be stuck like this."

"CLICK"

He lifted his arm to the sky. "By the power of Grey-skull, I have the POWER!"

She stood back up and faced him, her anger rising. _This has gone too far. I can't take much more of this. I he keeps this up much longer I'm gonna have to get InuYasha to attack him._

"CLICK"

"Are irritating hemorrhoids driving you crazy? Should have used Preparation-H." "Preparation-H is for external use only and may cause discomfort, itchiness, swelling, bleeding, and anal leakage. Consult your physician if problems persist."

She stood, muscled rigid, fists balled. All the previous anger and frustration she had earlier directed at Sota now came flooding back to her. _I'm trying here, and all you can do is act like an idiot. I honestly __want to know if you are really interested in me, but at the moment I just want you to shut up!_

"CLICK"

"Live, from New York. IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"

_I mean what kind of a moron goes to Sota of all people for advice about anything, especially women? He can't even walk down the street without picking his nose, why would he know anything about how to pick up chicks?_

"CLICK"

"Sheera, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. She's a babe." "If she were president she'd be Baberham Lincon." "In Latin she would be called 'Babeicus Majorous', " "She makes me feel like when I used to slide down the rope in gym class." "Schwing!" "Scha-wing"

InuYasha pushed Rin back as he saw Kagome anger rising. InuYasha had seen many demons suffer from her rage before turning to dust, and he did not wish to be among them.

Her aura swirled around her, growing in size and power. Something had been loosed in her. The thought that; someone thought she was special, and had wanted her to return such feelings, and it all being shot to hell, was too much.

"CLICK"

"Oh. My. God. Becky. Look at her BUTT! It is, like, so big! I mean it's just out there." "I like big butts and I can not lie. Them other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get SPRUNG!"

Her hands flew out, fingers spread, palms pointed at him. She'd had enough. _If he says one more thing, just one more, he's toast!_

"CLICK"

His hips began to sway side to side, and he ran his hand up the back of his head ruffling his hair. A raw, gritty soprano came from his mouth. "Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games. We got everything you want..."

_One too many._ A bolt of energy from her completely enveloped the Youkai. One steady stream of pure, anger assisted pink light pounded him mercilessly. Sesshomaru was unaffected. Although he was not in control, his mighty demonic aura was battling that of the miko's in what seemed to be an even battle. He danced and pranced, completely unaware as he continued his song.

"In the jungle, welcome to the jungle, wont you bring me to my Sha- n-n-n-n-n-n-knees, knees, knees..."

Kagome's assault was unrelenting, she had not expected him to continue this farce if he was in danger of being purified. Her anger at the sheer stupidity of it all rose up again. _He's such a... such a... such a..._ She couldn't think of the proper insult to hurl at him in defeat.

Her arms dropped, her attack ending, as she screamed, "YOU ARE SUCH A SPAZ!!"

The silence was deafening.

Sesshomaru stood facing Kagome, still and quiet for the first time in hours. It was not her powers that had broken the spell, but her words. Or rather one word. He thought back to the instructions the boy had given him, "Just remember, whatever you do, don't be a spaz. Don't be that guy."

She had called him the dreaded spaz, and rightly so. He thought back to all that had transpired since he had first gone down the well. He had not once been the "cool guy". He had only bounced from one ridiculous incarnation to another, waiting for one to make her bend over and flip up her skirt in desire.

He blinked his eyes several times, as if waking from a long dream. She was just a few yards away, looking intently at him, like she expected him to do, or say something.

_Oh, kami, it worked! Now he can just walk over, tell me that he loves me, and we can figure out if we can housebreak InuYasha, or if he will have to live out in the yard._

He moved close, eating up the ground between them in long strides. _Maybe he'll just take me in his...arm, and kiss me passionately._ She licked her lips, and began to pucker.

"Miko." His voice was cold and dead, the way it had always been before the week had started. "I have tried to become the 'cool guy' that I thought you desired. But I have played the spaz instead. I wished to show you that I could be what a woman like you would want. Instead of winning you over with 'smooth' and 'cool', I have been no better that the Screech, or the infamous Urkel." He reached out a hand and cupped her cheek for a moment. "I shall not trouble you any longer. Goodbye"

With that, he turned and walked out of the clearing without even a glance back.

--

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Why me? Why can't I ever get it right. First there's Hojo, and he either thinks I've got the immune system of a newborn, or I'm a hypochondriac. Then there's InuYasha, I only get insults from him, and whenever Kikyo comes around I get ditched for that clay bitch. And now him" she pointed to the hole where the Youkai had just departed. "First he's trying to kill me, and then suddenly he likes me, but does he bother to TELL me? Noooooooo. He just starts acting like... like... like an entire ward at the mental hospital!"

She was breathing hard, her shoulders slouched and heaving. She wasn't angry and defiant like before, she was sad and defeated. She had lived for so long not really belonging in either world. As strange as it sounded, she actually began to want him to keep coming around. Even with his strange behavior, she had felt special, and desired, and she could still remember the heat between them as he had held her as 007.

"Uhhh, Kagome-sama?"

"What!" she snapped looking down at the toad that stood beside her. He cowered, still afraid that he might get purified if he stood too close.

"Kagome-sama, I do not think you understand. Sesshomaru-sama has perused you since the first time he met you in his fathers tomb. I believe that you have not been educated in the customs of how a dog demon courts a female. He has been frustrated for quite some time that his attempts to gain your favor have been shunned. He was not sure if it was because you did not desire him, or if InuYasha had simply not explained the obvious signs."

She glared over at the half-breed. _He knew! He knew all along, and didn't say anything. Ooooo._

InuYasha knew he was screwed. He stepped several paces back, his hands held out in front as if ready to deflect an attack. Suddenly he bolted, and ran for the trees. Kagome smiled, knowing full well that he couldn't outrun the spell that activated the beads around his neck. She was just waiting for the right moment. The moment he thought he had escaped her. The moment he was thirty feet in the air, leaping from a tree branch.

"SIIIIIIIIITTTTTT." she growled through clenched teeth. She saw him plummet from the height, and nodded with satisfaction.

"But why didn't he just tell me? Why all this...insanity?"

"That is not the way things are done. When a dog demon wants a mate, he goes through certain rituals in order to convey his desire for the female, and to judge if she is willing. When he found out that things are not done this way in your world, he attempted to re-create the mating rituals he saw there. It is a wonder that he was even here in the first place."

"What do you mean?"

"Sesshomaru-sama has been out on the northern border of his lands leading the campaign to quell an uprising of flamingo youkai there. He had been gone for over a month before he went to your world down the well. He has not slept in almost five weeks!"

"Five weeks!" _Well that explains a lot. I start getting cranky if I don't get a full eight hours every night._

"Jaken" her eyes were large and pleading, "What should I do?"

The diminutive retainer replied immediately, he had been prepared for this eventuality, and knew what was necessary.

"You must go to him!" he stated sharply. "You must go, and resolve this with him." He stamped the staff of Two Heads on the ground to signify that his words should be obeyed.

"What? I thought you hated humans. Why would you want me to to to him at all?"

He fidgeted, knowing that he would be punished for relaying certain details. "My master has not tried to court a female in over 600 years, and the last time ended in a war. I fear that if you do not go to him, he will never try again, he will never have an heir, and the Western Lands could be plunged into civil war. Also, he gets very angry when he does not get what he wants." He rubbed his scalp, and thought of the knots that would rise when he got back to the palace and his lord needed a punching bag.

She paused for only a moment, then nodded. There was no way she was going to let the Western Lands fall, just because she wouldn't make a little time with him. He had traveled to her time, and done the best he could trying to get her to see what he wanted. Sure it was stupid, but, then again, she could think of plenty of stupid stuff guys did to impress girls back home.

She turned and walked back to the well and retrieved her yellow pack, bow, and quiver of arrows. She started walking to where she had last seen the Tai Youkai. Looking back over her shoulder she shouted, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." She took a few more steps before spinning on her heel and saying loud enough for everyone to hear clearly. "And tell InuYasha, if I catch him following me, I'm gonna seal him to a tree like Kikyo did!"

--

Sesshomaru wandered blindly, not caring where he was or where he was going. _There is no way she will accept me now. Not after I have acted so foolishly. _

He stopped and realized that he was headed towards home. He didn't know why, but it made sense in a strange way. He sat on the ground, back against a tree, and allowed his mind to drift.

She had been quite beautiful, stunning really. She was of the golden Inu tribe, and the daughter of a powerful lord. He had been smitten with her the first time he saw her. She sat there, at her fathers table, her bodyguard behind her, daintily eating while the others around her ripped and tore their meat like savages.

His father had thought it a good match, especially seeing as the reason they had been there in the first place was to strengthen relations between the two tribes. After talking to the girl's father, he had encouraged the boy to pursue her.

And pursue her, he had. He had tried everything, but to no avail. She wanted nothing to do with him. He had finally approached her father, wanting to speak with her privately. Although it was not customary, the older man had understood, and agreed. He had been allowed into the palace gardens, at night, and had rushed to her side, begging her to give him a chance. She had not answered, only turned her head away.

That's when he noticed something different about her scent. I had been covered before by the close proximity of her bodyguard. Not only was she already mated, but she was pupped as well. Her father had to have known. He roared in rage at how foolish they had made him look. The bodyguard had come to protect his charge, as he drew near, Sesshomaru's light whip had cut him down. She had fallen, sobbing upon her beloved, as guards and soldiers had come pouring into the garden. It had been a trap!

It was there, that he had earned the name "The Killing Perfection". Not one had left the garden alive save him. The war that followed had lasted for 75 years, and had only solidified his place as the next Lord of the Western Lands. He could still remember her face as she lay, licking the wounds of her beloved, and trying to revive him.

He had trained himself to be cold and aloof, to not care for others. He had hardened his heart, and with it, any chance for happiness. Until the girl had come. She brought light and laughter into his life once more, and his black heart had begun to soften and long to be loved by another. Rin was his girl. She worshiped him, and he doted on her. She had saved him from a life of lonely solitude.

And now there was this other human that tormented his thoughts.

He rolled onto his side, just wanting to sleep, and be done with the whole mess. He knew they would come for him as he slept. He would have no defense against them. He would fall asleep, and in his weakened state, so would the shield that held his aura at bay. The would all sense it, for miles, they would feel the power he had, and it would call to them. The would want his position, his power, or just to say they were the one that killed the mighty Sesshomaru.

But he didn't care any more. It just didn't seem worth it at all. If he slept here, instead of pushing on to the palace, at least he wouldn't have to see her again, of hear the mocking laughter of his brother rubbing it in.

His eyes closed. And sleep took him.

--

Kagome walked through the woods, looking for the embarrassed Inu._ How am I ever going to find him? He could have turned into his ball of light thingy, and be home by now._ She was determined though. She had plenty of supplies, and had decided to just keep walking until she reached his palace if need be. She was determined to get some closure on this, the strangest week of her life, which was saying something.

She suddenly sensed a powerful aura nearby, and recognized it as his. She quickened her pace. She had never felt him before today when they had clashed by the well. Something was wrong!

She reached a grove of tall ash trees, and saw him laying on the ground. She ran to him, wondering if he had been injured. He appeared to be fine. She held his face in her hands, "Sesshomaru, Sesshomaru! Are you alright? It's me Kagome." but he didn't respond. She started doing what everyone does to those that are having difficulty understanding. "SESSHOOOOMARUUUUU," she yelled in his face, her words elongated. "IT'S ME KAAAGOOOMEEEE." His head lolled to the side, as he began snoring softly.

"Well, I guess I'd sleep through just about anything if I had been awake for five weeks straight too."

She stood up, opened her pack, and started to prepare a small camp. She had decided that she would stay with him until they had a chance to talk it out.

As she was putting the last of the rocks for the fire-pit in place, she heard a growling behind her. Stalking slowly, on silent paws was an enormous tiger. He continued to creep closer, but stopped when he heard, "Um, Excuse me. Can I help you?"

He looked at the sound. Walking sideways, she came to stand between the great beast and the sleeping dog.

"I'm sorry, but this is a private campsite. You'll have to find accommodations elsewhere."

The tiger growled, baring it's fangs, and hunched down preparing to pounce.

She brought her arm up, an arrow already notched. Pink energy pulsed from her fingers infusing the arrow, and causing it to glow with purifying power.

"You caught me on the wrong day, Kitty."

--


	8. Chapter 8

Authors note: Please read the authors note at the end of the chapter.

Chapter 8: The Beginning

A grating sound in the back of his mind began to rouse his consciousness. One by one, his senses began to come back on-line. He kept his eyes shut, the grating continued in the back of his head, and began to move towards his ears. It was a familiar sound, one he had heard before, he just couldn't place it.

He tried to place where he was, but just couldn't quite remember. A voice called out,

"Go ahead and try me, you'll find, I'm tougher than I look!"

That voice, it awoke something in him. The events of the past week came flooding back in a rush of humiliation. _But why is she here? I left her. I should be dead._

His eyes snapped open, and he sat up quickly, hitting his head on a tree branch. He rubbed his head, and tried to figure out what was going on. He realized that the grating sound wasn't in his mind, but was the roar of a beast.

"Seriously, I'm warning you, any closer, and your ass is dust!"

That grating roar sounded again. He realized he was in a low shelter made of the boughs of fir and ash trees. Pine boughs covered the floor, and a small camp fire was burning outside the entrance. He crawled, ducking his head to avoid further pain, and stood in the evening sunshine.

At the edge of the clearing stood an enormous earth demon. His arms and legs made of rocks and boulders, grass grew on his back, and he had a large crystal set in the middle of his head that served as the creatures eye.

Earth demons were hard to defeat. The fact that they were literally made of earth and stone made them difficult to injure. Their elemental nature made it nearly impossible to kill, unless you could separate them from the elements they were tied to. He reached for Tokijin, but remembered that he had left both of his swords with the toad back at the well. Sesshomaru's claws began to drip acid, as he prepared himself for the charge.

The creature roared again, and began to move across the clearing. The earth pounded with each footstep as he picked up speed.

"I warned you! I tried to tell you that you were MESSING WITH THE WRONG BITCH!"

He turned and saw her, she stood off to the side of the shelter, bathed in a glow of pink light. No mere girl, no lowly ningen, not a wench, or some pathetic mortal to pitied. She stood proud in the evening light, sunset framing her defiant stance. Her black hair danced with her aura, and she stood there unafraid. He had seen grown Youkai, soldiers in his own army, that had faltered and run rather than face a foe of this power. The shaft sung as it streaked towards it's target, he followed it's trail as it buried itself in the demon's chest.

The beast howled, it's grating death throes filled the glade as it slowly turned to dust. He looked back at the girl. Her shoulders slumped, and she leaned on her bow for support. She walked slowly to the dust pile, retrieved her arrow, and placed it back in her quiver. Sesshomaru looked around and saw that there were many piles of the gray dust scattered about them, and wondered just how many had come for his blood, and how she had been able to stand against them all.

"Oh, Sesshomaru!"

He turned his attention back to her. As she caught sight of the revived Inu, she collapsed where she stood. He rushed to her, a white blur against the trees, and caught her before she hit the ground. He sat, and cradled her in his lap.

"Miko, what are you doing here? Why have you slain these demons that would have devoured me?

He eyes opened, and she looked up at him, For the first time in a week, she finally felt like she was talking to the real him. His face, normally cold, and devoid of any emotion, was softer somehow. And those golden eyes did not hold their usual look of killing disdain. They were warm, and concerned.

"I found you, you had fallen asleep." Her voice was small, and weak. Not like the warrior goddess he had seen moments ago. "I built the shelter around you, and have stood watch for three days. Many came to kill you, but I would not let them touch you."

"You have not slept for three days? Why would you do this for this Sesshomaru, Miko"

"You still haven't told me why you came to talk to me in the first place." She smiled, "And it's Kagome, Ka-go-me."

Her head lolled to one side, as sleep took her. He marveled at the creature in his arm, so powerful one moment, and yet so weak the next.

He stood, and carried her to the shelter she had built for him. He gently laid her down, and began to douse the fire, and pack her belongings.

--

Kagome awoke, _Hmmmmmmmm what a yummy dream. I was flying, high and fast, and was being held tight by..._"Sesshomaru!"

She sat up, the down blanket flying off of her. She looked around, she was in a large bed, in a large room. It was beautifully decorated with tapestries, and beautiful paintings. There were sculptures, and strange objects on some of the tables as well. On the far side of the room was an arched doorway, that was open to the outside. She gingerly stepped out of the bed and walked to see where it led.

She sucked her breath in, she was in a tower, at least twenty stories high..She forgot her fear as she watched the city below her. The people below scurried and bustled as they went about their daily routines. She began to wonder what city she could possibly be in, when one of the small people below, jumped into the air, unfurled a set of wings, and began to fly.

She stepped back into the room, suddenly realizing where she was. She turned back to the bed, and noticed for the first time, that she wasn't wearing her clothes. Instead she had on a white silk nightgown of the finest craftsmanship she had ever seen. She twirled to watch it move around her, and heard a chuckle from the other side of the room.

"Eep!" she jumped at the low sound.

"I assure you, you have nothing to fear from me. You are quite safe here. This entire tower is my quarters, and I guard my privacy quite carefully."

She turned, he stood by the other door in the room. He looked like himself again, clothes arranged perfectly, armor bright and hard, mokomoko-sama draped over his shoulder, and swords tucked in his belt.

"Umm, could I have some real clothes, please? This is beautiful and all, but, I'm a little embarrassed."

He grinned, and motioned to a large Shoji screen off to one side. "Your clothes are here."

_Did he just smile at me?_ Suddenly she felt quite strange, whereas before, her will for them to talk had carried her through. Now that he was here, and apparently in his right mind, her stomach felt all fluttery, and she couldn't think of anything to say.

She stepped from behind the screen. White shirt, green skirt, brown loafers, all had been washed and pressed, and mended where necessary. She looked as she always did, Kagome, schoolgirl. But he did not see her that way now. Frozen in his memory was the image of her defiance of the earth demon. She had defended him after he had been a fool in front of her, and then left because of his wounded pride. She had come to his aid when he needed it, when he had been weak. No one living or dead, demon or mortal could boast such a thing, save her.

He walked to a cabinet, and opened it. He removed his swords and armor, and placed them inside, and closed the door. She stared at him, not really knowing what to expect next. He saw the confusion in her eyes.

"In my culture, if a lord removes his weapons and armor, he is signifying that he trusts those in his company, and is...comfortable around them." He moved to sit on a stool close to the fire and beckoned her to join him. "I realize that it is difficult for us to understand each other, so maybe it would be best if we explained the various customs our people employ as they come along."

"That's a good idea." she answered, not really knowing what else to say, and not wanting for the silence to grow. She moved towards him, and took a seat opposite on another stool.

He looked like a completely different person. He sat, hands folded in his lap, his expression still a bit stoic, but his lips weren't pressed so tight, and it seemed as if the muscles in his face were more relaxed.

"How long have I been here?"

"A night and a day. I brought you here after stopping to retrieve my weapons from the well."

"Did InuYasha see you carrying me?!" she wondered how he would react to all this.

"He did. The whelp has been put in his place, although I expect he shall forget it soon enough."

She stifled a giggle at the thought of Sesshomaru dominating his younger brother, as well as some of the vulgarities that had issued from the dog on the bottom.

"So... what now?"

"I came to your time to show you my intentions to court you. I did not understand why you had simply ignored my previous advances."

"But I didn't know!" she yelled standing up, tears welling at the corners of her eyes. "InuYasha didn't tell me about any of them! If I had known, I would have said something to begin with!"

"I understand that now." He rose and took her hand, and helped her sit back down, not wanting to upset her further. "And believe me, the hanyou has been given a lesson in etiquette as well." He smirked, remembering how InuYasha had yelped like a pup, as he had held him by the scruff of the neck.

"So... what now?" she asked again, sniffling. She wasn't sure if he still wanted her, or if the humiliation of the past week had been too much, and he still never wanted to see her again.

"As I watched the box with your brother, I began to realize how different we are. Human courtships can last for years, whereas most demons decide, and mate within a matter of minutes or hours." He smiled as her eyes grew wide with the understanding of what he was saying. "I, of course will not require you to behave as my kind do."

The realization of what he was trying to say started to sink in, she just wanted him to say it. "So, what is it you will require me to do?"

"Nothing."

Not the answer she had been expecting, and the tears began to rise again.

"I will require nothing of you. Instead I... ask, your permission to begin courting you,...Kagome."

That was it, the waterworks began in full force.

"Did you just call me Kagome?"

"That is your name, is it not?" he teased.

"The only time you have ever called me by my name is when you held me by the spring as 007."

He winced at the mention of his former alter-ego.

"I liked that one." she added. One of his eyebrows raised. "He was protective and kind, and very ... smooth." she stood and began moving towards him. "And the way he shook that sake, ... Mmmmmmm."

"You are toying with me." He wasn't sure whether to be amused or annoyed, but the look in her eye said the former. "And you are not allowed near that kind of sake again."

She stood in front of him, their eyes level. She placed her hands on either side of his face, and pulled him in for soft, long kiss.

She finally pulled away, "In my culture, that means yes, you may court me."

Later that day, they strolled through the palace gardens, arm in arm. They nodded and exchanged brief greetings to the other lords and ladies they passed. Many outright stared at the couple. As much in awe at the mixed pairing, as the fact that their eternally cranky lord was walking, and casually chatting with any female regardless of her species.

"Sesshomaru?"

"Hn"

"What else did you see while watching TV with Sota?"

"Many things." he answered, wanting to discern her real question before giving away too much.

"Did you see any... women, women that you wish I would bee like, or...look like?"

He smiled playfully before responding. "I saw many women in the box..."

She interrupted, "Just so you know, if you say Pamela Anderson, consider yourself purified!"

He laughed. Those around them stopped, and gawked. They wondered just how powerful this miko must be to change their lord. But all who saw them hoped the spell would continue. They cared for him, as loyal subjects do. He had protected them from attack, and had improved the way of life for everyone, not just in the city itself, but in the whole of the lands surrounding. There had been many conversations in private about the coming of Rin, and the hope that he would one day open his heart to others.

"I assure you, other than the slow beach running ability, she has no power compared to yours. Also, her ...endowments, will probably cause much pain in her back as she ages."

They continued their stroll. It had been lovely, walking together, talking, simply being in his company. She saw how his subjects respected him, how they honored him with their polite actions. Others would have thought it intoxicating to be in the presence of such a powerful figure. She saw him for who he was. He was a man, a man that had closed himself off from all around him to keep from himself from pain. A small child had begun the process of melting the his cold heart, Kagome decided that it was her job to set it on fire.

"So...what now?"

"You shall become my mate, and the Lady of the West. Our pups will grow strong, and one day rule these lands. The blood of the Inu no Taisho will hold these lands, forever." His statement was strong, and said with the authority of one that deeply cared for this place and it's people.

"No, I meant, like, do you want to come home with me and meet my family?"

"It is not necessary among my people to meet ones parents before mating, however, since it is your custom, I will accompany you home, and meet your family. I will bring a live wild boar, the traditional mating gift, so your grandfather may kill it at your mother's feet, and then we will feast to our future."

For a full thirty seconds, Kagome considered the idea. _ A killer wild pig, running all over the courtyard, tearing up everything in sight, while Sesshomaru yells at Grandpa to kill it. Hmmmm, _

"I've got a better idea," she looked up at him coyly, "Why don't you bring a couple of bottles of that demon sake instead. They're going to need it."

--

Sango, Kirara, and Shippo had spent their days lingering around the well for over a week. Hoping that Kagome, or some news of her, would find it's way there. Miroku and InuYasha had been suspiciously absent since the Tai Youkai had come to retrieve his weapons four days earlier.

The cloud touched down, and Kagome jumped off waving and shouting to her friends. They all ran to hug her, relieved that she was alright. They all gasped when demon behind her wrapped his arm possessively around her waist.

"Sesshomaru," she scolded, "You've nothing to fear from them, it's just my friends."

"It is not for their benefit that I show my claim over you. Do not worry, I will not permanently harm him."

"Him? Him who?

InuYasha leaped from the trees, his sword already unleashed, "It may be me, but one of us is going to die here today, you bastard!"

Sesshomaru stepped in front of the group, and said coolly, "Do not worry, it will be you. It appears that you have already forgotten your place, little brother."

The friends stepped back as Sesshomaru's transformation took place. His full demon form unleashed, he let out a roar that shook the small clearing. Faster than anyone, Including InuYasha, could see he dashed down and caught the boy, ... by the scruff of the neck.

He held him there, in two fangs, like a bitch would with a naughty pup. Every time InuYasha would try to strike out, or curse at him, the giant dog would bite a little harder.

"Sesshomaru, I'm gonna kill...yelp!" "Oh that's it you fucking.. yelp!" "I hope you don't want your other arm cuz when I get down... yelp!"

It continued for a full ten minutes before the fight began to die in him. Kagome laid a hand on the white dogs paw

"Enough," she said calmly, "Both of you."

Sesshomaru drew his enormous power back, willing it back into his humanoid form. He stood with the half-breed still hanging out of his mouth.

"Eeww," Kagome cringed. "Put that down, you don't know where it's been. And I know for a fact, he doesn't bathe much."

He unceremoniously dropped the boy, and bent to speak to him.

"InuYasha, it is Kagome's wish that you continue to escort and protect her, on her quest to find the remaining jewel shards. However, you will remember who she has chosen, and more importantly, who has chosen her."

Kagome looper her arm through Sesshomaru's, "Come on Mister-I-have-to-be-all-mean-and-scary-to get-people-to-do-what-I-want. Haven't you ever heard of people skills?"

They were heading for the well when a very out of breath Miroku ran up. He had two clay bottles in his hands, one said "SAKE" the other "OIL".

"Sango! I have mastered the technique!"

Sango grabbed his hand and all but drug the still panting monk behind her and into the woods.

"Bye Kagome! Have fun!"

"What was all that about?" Kagome was sure she had missed something in her time away.

"Don't even ask" InuYasha replied, "Or he will try and show you, to see if he's doing it right or not."

In the distance they heard a squeal of delight "Oh Miroku, Yes! Yes! Yes! You've got it. Oh, bounce for me baby!"

"Come on, runt. Let's go find some food. Kid like you doesn't need to be hearing things like that. Hell, I don't want to be hearing things like that!" They started walking towards the village to once again impose on Kaede's hospitality.

"Shall we?" she asked, not really sure if she was prepared for what was to come.

"Hn" he picked her up, and cradled her, she snuggled into his chest and kissed his neck.

"Any more of that, Miko, and I will be dragging you into the woods as well."

"We talked about that earlier. There will be none of that till we are properly mated." she reminded him.

"And as I explained," he bent down and kissed her full and strong on the lips. "The mating ritual only takes a matter of minutes" he growled, sending shivers up her spine.

"Down boy." she flicked the end of his nose with her finger.

He leaped up, over the edge of the well. Blue light enveloping them both.

--

Epilogue: I

"Mom, I'm home!" Sota yelled bursting through the kitchen door. He didn't expect an answer, she was usually out this time of day anyway. He tossed his bag on the table, and opened the pantry door to scrounge for the snacks his mother kept in abundance.

"Mom! We're out of snacks!" _Weird, there's always snacks in the house. She's probably out getting more now._ He dove into the refrigerator seeking the precious nectar of life, but there were no Dr. Peppers to be found.

"Mom! We're out of DP.'s too! _Why am I still yelling, do I think she can hear me at the store?_

As he marched towards his room, knowing he could feel the caffeine withdrawals kicking in, he heard a noise from the living room. He poked his head around the corner, and his jaw hit the floor. There on the far wall was a Panasonic, 102", wide screen, high definition, plasma TV!

He continued to gawk as he came through the door, a single tear slid down his cheek at the sheer beauty of it. The colors were so alive, the lines so crisp, the TV so...so... HUGE!

"Explain."

Sota turned slowly, to face who he knew was sitting on the couch. The Killing Perfection was sitting beside, and partially under a mountain of Cheeto, Dorito, and Funyan bags and Dr. Pepper cans.

"S-S-S-Sesshomaru? What are you doing here?"

"Watching Bo-nan-za. Explain. Why does 'Pa' not simply raise his army, and destroy the vile cattle rustlers and the scourge they have brought to his lands?

The boy was still too dumbfounded to respond. "How-When-Where did this TV come from."

The demon smirked, "It is amazing what the people of this world will do at the sight of real gold coins."

"But, what did mom say about this?"

"It is not your mothers concern what I do with my wealth. There is plenty more, all tribute and plunder from past wars."

"Yeah, I wouldn't mention the whole wars and plunder thing to her, she wouldn't understand. Where is mom," his voice darkened a little, "where's Kagome?"

"She and your mother have gone to do a shopping." Sota sighed in relief. "They stated the need for a great many pairs of shoes, and facial goo. They shall return this evening, when I will be taking everyone 'out' to eat."

"So, I guess you were able to talk to Kagome, Huh?

"Yes"

"And you told her how you felt about her?"

"Yes"

Sota puffed his chest out in pride, he had been the one to coach this pitiful man into the suave stud he must have seemed to his sister. He plopped down on the couch and began rummaging through the packages, trying to find something still edible.

"Well, what did you say, what did you do? Were you smooth?"

The Inu's face darkened, he turned to look at the boy "Sota, the miko has informed me of a certain green covered notebook that bears certain images that you would like to keep secret. If you value this information, I suggest you never speak of the previous time I spent here. If you do, I will be forced to reveal it's hiding place to your mother." The darkness passed.

Click

"Explain"

Sota gulped, pulling the "Oh Shit's" back from the brink of disaster once again.

"Uhhh, Oh, This is a show about a bunch of kids in high school. They all live out in California. Beverly Hills 9021..."

Sesshomaru had already lost interest.

Click

"Explain"

--

Epilogue: II

Six Months Later:

Kagome ran through the halls of the tower. A dark figure close behind, pursued her with even measured steps. She ran into her room and slammed the door shut, throwing herself on the bed. The foot steps came closer, until they stopped right outside the door. The door flew open, her captor boldly entered.

"Princess, you will tell me where the plans are being hidden."

Kagome giggled, and looked up in feigned horror.

"Never, I'll never tell you where the rebel base is!"

He drew close to the bed, dressed completely in black, including black cape and black wicker helmet.

"You will join me or die. Once I have the plans for the flying castle, your rebel alliance is finished."

She giggled again, "Oh, Lord Vader, isn't there something I can do to save my friends?"

She giggled as he crawled on the bed and over to her.

"I'm sure I can think of something."

A low growl built in his chest, and escaped his mouth, causing her giggle to turn into a growl of desire.

CLICK

--

Authors note:

Well that's it Kats and Kittens. Hope it was fluffy enough in the end to justify all the torture. Now before I get flames about Sesshomaru being Out Of Character. Piss Off! I was not trying to portray some brutal dog demon society, I was trying to make it about the saving and redeeming quality of love to see through the facade to the person inside. I intentionally tried to concentrate a little more on him being a man, than a demon. Take it or leave it. Hope you liked it. Please, even if you reviewed a previous chapter, review again and let me know what you thought of the whole story.

I will also be posting a deleted scenes and quotes for those nerdy enough to like that kind of stuff. Just a couple things that didn't make the cut for whatever reason. If you like em, great, if not, go get drunk and grow a sense of humor.

Let me also say that I own no one, slavery has been abolished for quite some time now.

I want to thank Miss Kagura, Sugar0o, hikari hime, and AvivaChan for their great reviews and encouragement, as well as everyone that reviewed. I had 100 positive feedback, and you know that's just gonna go to my head.

This story is dedicated to MamaSama6, my beta, my sounding board, my mate, and the Alpha bitch of my house. Without her I never would have even started this insane mental dribble. I love you baby. Big wet, Sesshy faced kisses to ya.

4--


	9. Chapter 9

Deleted Scene

Authors Note:

This scene would have come immediately after after "The Hoff" and before he really wigged out, and started scrolling through characters. It is directly quoted from the movie Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back, except for a few of InuYasha's towards the end. Trust me, I know. I decided to cut it because, it had no interaction with Kagome, and ended up being a bit darker than I wanted, instead of just funny. There wasn't enough contrast between Sesshomaru's character, and that of Darth Vader. Vader is everything that Sesshomaru wishes he could be: ruthless, immensely powerful, feared, and always having to crush some annoying rebellion. Anyway, here it is.

--

They hurried, traveling as fast as they could without having to stop and rest. Usually it was InuYasha that drove them, today, it was Kagome. He had woke them all at first light, and they had left without so much as a quick meal.

_Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together, keep it together. I have got to get out of here. There is no way I'm letting him sneak up on me again. This has gotten so weird! _

She had lain awake all night, her head full to bursting with all the questions she wanted answers to, and some she didn't. The reality was still sinking in. _Sesshomaru, heart of ice, eyes of stone, hair of silver, looks that kill, body that... SNAP OUT OF IT! I cant think about that right now. I need to concentrate on getting home, talking to Sota, and then beating the shit out of his sorry ass!_

She didn't like going this way, it was dangerous. She had only tried once before, and had nearly lost her lunch in the process. They were approaching the gorge, the only bridge made of a huge fallen tree. It would have taken them an extra half day to go around and through Kaede's village like they usually did.

He stepped out of the trees as they passed. She felt his anger and pain as he approached as a steady pace. Dressed all in black, red jewels affixed to his chest, black cape billowing behind him in the wind, and a black helmet that covered his head and face completely. They could hear his breathing coming from inside the mask. "Hoou Puur, Hoou Puur."

"Get over the bridge, I'll hold him off." InuYasha brandished his blade. Sesshomaru held Tokijin forward his aura surrounding it, causing it to glow red.

The two swords clashed as the battle began, their strikes scarring the trees on either side. The dark lord pushed him back towards the bridge where he slipped .

"You are beaten, it is useless to resist, don't let yourself be destroyed as Obi Wan did.

Sesshomaru had been sucked in by the trilogy as he had sat in Sota's room. The Lord of the Sith had inspired awe and respect, two things he did not bestow easily. They were not so different, cold, ruthless, immensely powerful, beholden to no one, and always needing to crush some pesky rebellion. After InuYasha's mocking, and her indignation, he felt that there was nothing left. He had tried out all the other acceptable "cool guys". All that was left was to show her just how powerful he really was. He had no plan after this, if she rejected him now, he had no idea what he would do.

InuYasha leaped back up, not ready for defeat. Sparks flew as the blades connected. In a dash of speed, InuYasha lashed out and struck his brother on the shoulder.

"Aaahhhhh" he groaned on pain and anger. Frustrated that this pup could be any match for him at all.

He swung, his speed blinding, striking the sword from InuYasha's hand, the reverted blade falling to the bottom of the gorge.

"There is no escape, don't make me destroy you."

The hanyou crawled out further on the log bridge

"InuYasha, you do not yet realize your importance, you have only begun to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength we can end this destructive war and bring order to the galaxy." Sesshomaru's was held aloft in front of his face, emphasizing each word.

"I'll never join you!"

"If you only knew the power of the dark side. Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father"

"Wait, I thought he died, like 300 years ago. And who's this Obi Wan guy?"

"I am your father."

"No, no, thats not true, thats impossible!!" Inuyasha's ears twitched momentarily. "I mean it is impossible isn't it. Well improbable for sure."

"Search your feelings, you know it to be true!"

"Noooooo! Nooooooo! No I really don't! I mean that doesn't even make any sense, you freak!"

"InuYasha, you can destroy the emperor. He has foreseen this, it is your density, oh, wait...NO, it is your DESTINY! Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son."

"Listen, this is getting kind of annoying, for the last time, I'm not your son, you bastard."

"Come with me, it is the only way."

InuYasha looked down, and back up at his brother's face. Without another word, he slipped off the log and into the abyss.

As he fell, he knew it was the only way. He needed Tetsusaiga or else his demon nature would take over and kill his friends. He hoped that Sango and Miroku would be able to stall the lunatic till Kagome could get down the well. Maybe then they would all get some answers.

He just wished he could be there to see the look on Sota's face as she kicked in his door.

--

Deleted Movie/Show Quotes

"CLICK"

"You wanna see what's in my bag?" "Noooooooo!"

"CLICK"

"Kiss my shiny, metal ass!"

"CLICK"

"Come on Ken, gimme the wubby. Gimme the wubby. Look Kenny, I know you little guys, you love your wubbies, but before long, it's not enough. Pretty soon your going through two, three quilts a day, maybe even an electric blanket. and before you know it, you're strung out on bedspreads! Now gimme the wubby.

"CLICK"

"If I only had a brain." "A heart." "The nerve." "A home." ... "We're off the see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of ..."

"CLICK"

"Marty, when this baby hits 88 miles an hour, you're going to see some serious Shit!"

"CLICK"

"I'm here to make you an offer you can't refuse."

"CLICK"

"G-G-G-G-G-G-G Granville, fetch your cloth."

"CLICK"

"Oh, sweetie! Squish, Squish"

"CLICK"

"I was checkin out the specks on the rotary girder, I'm retarded."

"GO TO YOUR HOME! ARE YOU TOO GOD FOR YOU HOME!

"CLICK"

Authors note:

A barrel full of cookies to anyone who can PM me with all the movie and show title references in chapters 5 and 6, the hidden reference in the Deleted Scene, and the movie show title references in the Deleted Movie/Show Quotes, in order. Don't bother Pm-ing me unless you're sure you have them all.

Remember, If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

4--


End file.
